Come Hell or High Water

In Dante's Inferno the further into hell Dante and Virgil go the colder it gets, and those suffering are trapped in a frozen lake; as of last night I find this totally accurate.

Stephen and I have been pretty busy so we planned to take a break on Saturday and go snowboarding at Copper Mountain. It usually takes us about an hour and a half to get there and the same to get home. Steve's finals start this week so he had decided to take his stuff to study and ride half the day and then go inside and study while I was riding in the afternoon. So, yesterday morning we got up early and left for the mountain expecting to get there at 9:30am; unfortunately we ran into traffic about half way there due to emergency work being done on a bridge on I-70 (although when we finally passed the bridge no one was working on it, ahhh, frustration). So we sat in the car and yelled at other drivers with our windows up and called Stu so we didn't go crazy, and finally got to the mountain at 11am. Steve, being the responsible guy he is, didn't even get his board he just went to a bar at the resort and studied all afternoon while I snowboarded. It had been snowing and the powder was freaking awesome, but we wanted to leave by 3:30 so we could get through the pass and off the mountain before it got late and dark and the roads got bad.

After I had one last run we headed back to the car, and were surprised by the amount of snow accumulated on it. We packed up and got on the road at 3:30. As we merged onto I-70 we were surprised at how much traffic there was, but then again this was the first good powder of the season and a lot of people were in the mountains. We were also surprised at how slow traffic was moving, we crawled along for about an hour and realized it was because all 18 wheelers were being required to have chains on and they were pulled over, slowing traffic. We continued to crawl up the mountain toward the Eisenhower Tunnel as it got dark and the roads went from bad to worse. Since Stephen's finals start this week there was no way we were pulling over and trying to stay the night in case it got really bad and they closed I-70 and he couldn't get back for finals, then we realized that wasn't an option there were no exits until we got through the tunnel to the other side of the mountain and at the rate we were going that was going to take all night.
Both of us had headaches, probably from sitting in traffic and breathing fumes, so Steve chugged a bottle of water, hoping that would help. Thirty minutes passed and he started mentioning he had to use the bathroom. The road continued to get worse; people were sliding all over the place and spinning out. The Subaru proved her worth and I'm so glad we got her before we moved; we never got out of control but we were going about 5 or 10mph and inching our way up, not even daring to try and switch lanes. We were in the far left lane of the divided highway so were were next to the divider and had no place to pull over, which was becoming a big deal as Steve's need to go to the bathroom became more urgent. Let me explain the significance of this; on road trips Steve NEVER has to stop for the bathroom, I think he only goes in the morning and at night, so for him to be complaining that he really needed to go was big. Unfortunately we were in the worse possible place for him to need to go the bathroom, on an icy highway, in the left lane, on top of a mountain, in a snowstorm.
Cars were stuck all over the place and we didn't want to try and risk anything, but it was becoming an emergency. I pulled out one of our empty water bottles and told him to go in it and we'd just throw it away when we got home, for a minute it seemed like this plan was going to work. Unfortunately that morning he'd decided to wear his old snowboarding pants since they are warmer, and those pants aren't exactly easy access, so to use the bottle while sitting down he's have to take them down to mid thigh. As Stephen was considering the dilemma we finally began to get close to the tunnel, which also means street lights. At this point Steve was wiggling and squirming, wishing he could cross his legs. I even told him that if he needed to pee his pants I wouldn't judge. About the same time we got to the tunnel which is very well lit and traffic picked up to about 25 or 30mph, so we made a plan. No water bottle, we'd switch lanes in the tunnel and be ready to pull over on the other side and he could get out and go. In his excitement Stephen had confused the tunnel, there are two we go through on the trip one is only a few hundred feet, the Eisenhower is a few miles, and very well lit. We made the lane switch and got behind a minivan going 25. Finally Steve couldn't stand it and got back in the left lane, trying to get around the van; we'd reached a pee or die situation. But as were coming round the van the end of the tunnel came into sight, we began to freak out, "we're not going to make it back into the right lane!" As we emerged from the tunnel there was a spot, in the median where there was no divider, we pulled in. It took only a split second for Steve to jump out and begin to relieve himself. Let me paint this picture for you, there are three lanes of traffic pouring out of the tunnel after trying to get up the mountain for 2 1/2 hours, my husband is standing in the snow with the tunnel back lighting him, and in his hurry hadn't closed the car door so our dome light was shining bright. I was laughing so hard I couldn't manage to reach up and turn it off and Steve is standing in the open door sighing great sighs of relief. Two separate cars rolled down their windows and cheered for him as they went by.

It took us another two and a half hours to get home. Which were complicated by running out of washer fluid and the wipers freezing over, so I leaned out and tried to spray them with a can of deicer which all came flying back, soaking my face, which can't be good for you. As we got near the bottom of the mountain the snow lightened up and we could talk instead of having to solely focus on the road, which made the rest of the trip a little better. We discussed what we want to name our kids and whether or not we'd move back to the south to raise them.

We finally got home, at 8:30pm and saw that 10-12 inches of snow had fallen in Broomfield throughout the day. I took a hot shower and scrubbed my face then made popcorn and watched Seinfeld. Our trip to Copper and back, which should have been 3 hours total, had taken all of 8 hours and on our way home we'd hit a top speed of 35mph.

Getting back to Dante, I think hell could be a frozen tundra of highway, with no bathroom.


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Now what?

I enjoy change, I look for a good adventure every now and then, I don't deny these things. I'm done with school, I got a "real job", and I don't know what to do with myself. Since the end of high school that I've had something on the horizon; going to college, transferring schools, going to India, being engaged, getting married, going back to India, moving to Colorado, graduating... now here I am. A married Colorado resident with my degree and I don't know what to do with myself. The next two and a half years we're going to be here while Stephen finishes school and I'm going to have to be stable, no quitting my job and leaving the country. It's like I'm an adult with responsibilities and everything. I've been feeling restless and I think this new discovery is part of the reason, I'm not on the verge of any big event, which is how most of life is, I think. So, what now?

Last night we hung out with our friends Asher and Halen and talked specifics about staring a community group, which I'm excited about. We've been telling people at Origins, our church, about our old community group and how wonderful is was and we're trying to model our new group around the idea of our old one. I think we're going to start up in January after all the holiday fuss is over.

So, here's to new friends and rest; and not having homework; cheers!

Chestnuts roasting on an open fire...I love Christmas music

Stephen's mom told me you can't judge a place until you've been there three months, it doesn't feel like home until three months. Well, Linda, time is up, and I'm judging.
That's right, we've been here three months and it is starting to feel like home. I love our church and I think we're going to start a community group with a few other couples and I'm so excited about having one again. Since I've been so infrequent with my posting I'll give a quick catch-up on life.

• finished my internship
• had bronchitis (which blows)
• caught three little boys "sword fighting" in the bathroom at work
• got a job a new job
• Thanksgiving
• Put up Christmas decorations
  

I think life is going to slow down a little now and I'm excited about it. I put my two weeks in at work and I'll be starting my new job on December 6. Finally, I'm an official social worker. I'm going to be working for Imagine as a counselor for five disabled adults, I'm pretty excited about it.

I've also been going through some really fun stuff with God. As I've continued on my journey's long end He's been showing me more of his freedom and justice in ways I couldn't see before. Maybe I'll write about it in more detail later, but for now, it's good to be coming out of a desert and into a new place that doesn't rip my world apart quite so often.

I miss Pint Night

• We went snowboarding yesterday; everything hurts today.
• I'm mad we didn't get to go to Brian and Gennie's Halloween party.
• We don't have a small group or anything like that and I'm feeling the effects of being out of community.
• I love the public library, it's my happy place.
• This Friday we're helping put on an event to raise awareness about sex trafficking, I'm excited.
  

2 days, 2 posts

This morning Stephen woke up and told me to come look out the window, and what did I behold? Yes, the first snow. Yesterday I wore a t-shirt and it was 80 degrees outside, but this morning it was falling hard. It made me really excited to go snowboarding, I ordered some boarding pants yesterday and we're buying our passes this week; which leads me to my second reason for posting.




If you (reader) are planning on coming to ride or ski this season, whether you are staying with us or not, the sooner you buy your passes the cheaper they will be. Stephen and I are getting passes for Copper Mountain and Winter Park/Mary Jane, and if you buy your pass before they open they're cheaper, check out PassWagon.com.

Yesterday I counted all the Subaru's I passed while driving around for work between 9:30am and 2:30 pm.

Grand Total of Subaru's passed: 138

Viva Boulder!

Our new dog

Ok, so we don't have a dog, I want to get one when we move to Boulder, but that won't be until like April or May, but I've been looking online and researching dogs and I've come across a few...interesting ones...

yes, this is the spawn of satan.

Shame

I truly am ashamed of how long it's been since I posted, my blog is like the Harkey's, Yikes! I do have a reason though, we don't have Internet and I'm now working two jobs and about 50 hours a week between them, so I'm tired and grumpy when I get home, and you don't want me to post when I'm in that mood.
I'm still chugging along at my internship, really enjoying it when I have stuff to do, and I'm also teaching Pre-K at La Petite day care. It is an adventure. I do my internship in the mornings and teach in the afternoons. Working at a day care has made me really glad I have a degree, it's entertaining and better than fast-food or something like that, but not what I want to do forever.

I applied for a job with social services and I got a call Friday afternoon that my application made it through HR and they'll call me next week about an interview, it would be great to get this job, I'd only work 40 hours a week and be on salary, I'll keep you posted. The only downer is that if I get this job with DSS I'd have to work full time at my internship so I could finish it faster and start this job in a few weeks, which means I'd have to quit at La Petite without giving them any notice. I need some advise here, I don't know whether to mention this job I applied for to my boss at La Petite so that she knows what's going on, or to wait and see if I get it, so that if I don't she doesn't know that I considered quitting. What do you think reader?

I wish I had more interesting things to write, but I just work a lot and drink beer when I get home. I still miss everyone so much and we're waiting for Stu to decide when he's coming to visit (hint).

I'll leave you with a few of my favorite quotes from my four year olds.
-TJ coming out of the bathroom after nap time and looking down at his pants, "aw man, I peed on myself".
-Ryan pulls down his pants to show me that he's wearing his first pain of boxers and sticks his little butt my way and shouts, "it's McQueen!" (the main character from the movie cars).

Deer Mountain

A few days ago Stephen, Erin, and I drove out to Rocky Mountain National Park and went hiking. It was beautiful, we even saw elk, it was so exciting. The last few weeks have been good and busy. Stephen had his first full week of regular classes last week and it went really well. We drive into Boulder in the morning and I drop him off at the law building with his lunch, it's like middle school all over again, and I head to my internship. I really like what I'm doing and the people I work with. I'm working in child protection, so I get to interact with families a lot and see them work toward building a healthier and more stable family and most really do seem to appreciate the help they receive through social services. We don't just steal people's babies, as the common stereotype depicts.

Stephen and I found a church we really like, it's called Origins and it's in Boulder. It's really small and even more laid back than the Grove. The first Sunday of each month is all worship and arts, lots of painting and dancing, and people talk or share scripture if they feel led to, it was really cool. But I find that I miss the Grove and our friends the most is when we're at church or when I spend time with the Lord, at first I though that was weird, but now I think it is beautiful in a way. My friends and church were family and the body of Christ in a way I'd never experienced before, and when I'm with the Lord I miss the body I've left behind the most. Tonight I'm going to a group that I heard about through Origins that is about ending Human Trafficking, it was really cool last week, so I'm excited to go again.

I still haven't found a part time job and I really need to start working a job that pays me. I know I really need to be seeking God in this and asking Him to lead me and let me have a good attitude about working where ever, even if it's not ideal. But I still get stuck thinking little things like a part time job are things I should be able to do on my own. Anyway, the search is on.

I'll end with a few pics from our hike.

Incredible!

At long last...

Last year, on September 26th, to be exact, Whitney, Erin, and I got to hear Paul Rusesabagina speak on Darfur and his experience in Rwanda. Our friend Kelsey Schmitt took this picture and we've wanted it for the last year so you can imagine my surprise when I opened my email this morning to find it, so now, finally, here we are.



Erin was totally star struck, she got all giggly and kept saying, "I touched Paul Rusesabagina!"

Random Me

I wasn't going to do this, but I enjoyed reading everyones else's random facts,so I decided to join in. Even though it it creepily similar to a chain letter.

Random Fact 1: I have had a crush on my husband since I was 14 years old.

Random Fact 2: From third grade through about seventh grade I had an imaginary horse/friend I played with named Apple Juice (creative I know).

Random Fact 3: I put Cavenders Seasoning on my popcorn and I love it!

Random Fact 4: I have had Giardia three times in my life and I've had the runs on and off since 2005 (sorry, I know that's TMI).

Random Fact 5: I make up weird songs about meaningless things and sing them while dancing around the living room. I do this fairly often, and Stephen still loves me.

Random Fact 6: I have broken 6-ish bones in my body, my knee, left wrist, left shoulder, pinky toe/foot, left thumb & hand, and a finger or two that went undiagnosed.

Random Fact 7: I learned to say "no" at age 3 and wouldn't doing anything my parents asked me to do until they spanked me; and I never really changed.

Random Fact 8: I climbed Long's Peak, a 14,257 ft. mountain, my junior year of high school and it was the hardest thing I've ever done.

two faced compston

So, I decided to join the fun outdoor community of Boulder and I went rock climbing with some new friends, when I was climbing a giant rock fell from above me and I had to swing out of the way at the last minute, but it grazed my face and now I have this weird scab in the middle of my face making me similar to a batman villain.

OK, that's a total lie, but it sounds cool right. I'll explain what really happened. I had this spot on my face that looked like I was about to break out so I did what I've done to my skin since I was in high school. I've found that the best way to get rid of zits is to treat them like any other scrape or cut, I clean it, this time I used hydrogen peroxide and then I put triple antibiotic on it, I know this weirds some people out, but I'm telling you it works. Anyway, last night I peroxided the place that was bumpy on my face and it exploded a two square inch section in bubbles, I thought "man, that's weird" and went to bed. This morning I woke up and I have this big scab-rash looking think on my face, this should make it even easier to make friends. Any ideas what this could be?

Other than my new two faced identity things have been good, I still really miss good ol' Fayetteville, but I love my internship here, I'll write more about it when I have more time. Still looking for a job. The weather is great, it's in the high 60's today, and this afternoon Stephen is playing in law student softball game with free beer, so it should be a good time. I miss you all!

The first long week

As of tomorrow morning we will have been gone for 1 week, but it feels so much longer. We don't have internet and all of our neighbors secured their connections so we have to drive to a coffee shop or to Erin's apartment and steal her neighbor's wireless. Anyway, here are a few highs and lows of the week.

LOWS
* Driving across Kansas in our Penske truck.
* Carrying all of our stuff to the third floor in higher altitude.
* Already missing friends and being lonely.
* Sunday's without the Grove.
* My first of many tearful breakdowns.
* Not having internet at home.
* Job hunting.
* Scary men trying to get Stephen to give him money in downtown Denver

HIGHS
* Seeing our nephew Malakai
* The view from our deck.
* Being 10 minutes from Boulder and 20 minutes form Denver.
* Being close to Erin.
* Having LOTS of help from our family.
* Thinking of Stu and Lafe burning down their dunpster, ahh (sad sigh).
* Having much cooler apartment that our old one.
* Waking Steve up by letting Malakai grab his beard.

Fun with Dick and Dane

I was looking at movies online and saw a misprint of the movie "Fun with Dick and Jane" it was both funny and disturbing, but I thought better of clicking on it for fear of gay porn.




Anyway, this week has been full of sweet and sad goodbyes, stress of summer school finals and procrastinated papers, Arsaga's, last minute details that take much longer than expected and packing lots and lots of boxes. I've never really had a big move before. I lived in the same house growing up and I moved to college in the back of my '92 Jeep Cherokee. After Stephen and I got married we had to fill our cars and make two trips to our apartment to move so you can see why this week I've been amazed at the amount of crap we're accumulated in the past year. Stephen quit his job last week so that he could pack us this week while I finished summer school, and I thought "we have a small apartment, Steve can pack for a few hours each day and we'll be packed in no time", but it's taken quite a bit longer than I expected. I've had my stressed out moments and been sure we'd never be packed by Saturday, but we packed out truck yesterday (with lots of help from good friends).


Our first apartment is totally empty and we're leaving in the morning. Our last Grove is tonight and I think I'll probably cry as it will really sink in that we're moving many many miles away.


There is no way to say thanks and I'll miss you on a blog, but here goes, to all our wonderful friends, community group, fellow Grovers, I really appreciate all that you've taught me and your unique friendships, I will miss you, I already do.

Goodbye, We love you!

-And for all you English majors our there, you may have noticed I started using capitalization and punctuation. You're welcome. Think of it as my going away gift to you (hint: James).

Where is God?

I just finished reading "Terrify No More" by Gary Haugen, the founder of the International Justice Mission. In this book Gary tells the story of what brought him to start IJM and about their investigation and intervention in a Cambodian village know for trafficking minors. In the final chapters Gary talked about the need for believers to be the hands and feet of God, acting out his justice in a suffering and corrupt world. He also looked back several decades to the atrocities that happened in the last century and talked about the atrocities that are happening now (slavery, sex trafficking, imprisonment, war) and charged his readers to be able to look the next generation in the eyes and tell them confidently, that we did not sit idly by, we gave up convenience and comfort to follow our loving God of justice into a world where suffering and oppression abounds, and did something.

There are still painful things of life I find myself arguing with God about, but these quarrels are less and less about injustice, and perhaps more about caner or mental illness or rain that come too late or too hard. No, for me, the great tragedies of abuse and oppression in our world are so clearly man-made disasters that I find it difficult to keep blaming God. Not only because it is men and women, not God, who perpetrate the abuses, but also because God has so clearly given men and women that power to stop the abuses. The little girls of Svay Pak were not suffering because of vague and inexplicable forces of nature. They were suffering because men and women with names and faces chose to beat them, rape them, and terrorize them. They suffered because men and women with names and faces chose to provide shelter and protection for the abusers. And at the end of the day, they suffered because the rest of us let it happen.
Given all the power and resources that God has placed in the hands of humankind, I have yet to see any injustice of humankind that could not also be stopped by humankind. I find myself sympathizing with a God who said "You have wearied the Lord with your words...by saying...Where is the God of justice?" (Malachi 2:17). Increasingly, I feel quite sure of the where abouts of God. My tradition tells of a Father in heaven who refuses to love an unjust world from a safe distance, but took his dwelling among us to endure the humility of false arrests, vicious torture, and execution. This is the God who could be found as "a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering" (Isaiah 53:3). The more I have come to know him, the harder is has become for me to ask such a God to explain where he has been. In fact, surprisingly, I don't generally hear the victims of abuse doubting the presence of God either, Much more often I hear them asking me, "Where have you been?"

-Gary Haugen, Terrify No More

school days...

I just finished my last real class of my undergraduate career. I still have an internship in Boulder and I'm finishing up a correspondence course, but never again will I have to go to class (until I get my masters). I'm feeling quite proud of myself right now, I have my internship all lined up in Boulder and even though it still counts as school I really feel like I've finished, my internship is just me being a social worker will no money and extra guidance.

So here is my tribute to college and the University of Arkansas, Old Main in all her glory.





Hit that line! Hit that line! Keep on going,
Move that ball right down the field!
Give a cheer. Rah! Rah! Never fear. Rah! Rah!
Arkansas will never yield!
On your toes, Razorbacks, to the finish,
Carry on with all your might!
For it's A-R-K-A-N- S-A-S for Arkansas!
Fight! Fight! Fi-i-i-ght!

come one, come all!

As one of our final acts as Fayetteville residents Stephen and I are asking for all the help we can get Saturday morning to help load our truck. There will be doughnuts and juice, I can't promise coffee since we already packed our coffee maker. We pick up our truck at 9am this Saturday and we'd like to be able to load it in a few hours so that we have the rest of the day to spend time with people and get the work done before it gets really hot out. So, if you'd like to get a workout and help us we'll see you at 9:30 Saturday morning. Thanks!

Hocus Pocus?

Yesterday I went to the Farmer's Market with my parents, as we were walking along my mom told me that she and her friend, Sallye, had made reservations in the Prophecy rooms at IHOP (prayer, not pancakes) in Kansas City for that afternoon. My mom is a great fan of IHOP, and other things I find questionable, like Benny Hinn and Joel Osteen. But I have heard good things about IHOP and I wanted to spend time with my parents before we move so I decided to go, I though at least I can check this place out for myself.
I understand the motive to have a place of 24-7 prayer and worship, because we serve a God who deserves constant praise, but I found that idea of making reservations to be prophesied over kind of sketchy. Our appointments were at 4pm so we left at 12:30 and arrived just in time. We went and signed in and were given stickers with our names on them and ushered into a waiting room. As I sat, waiting to be called into the "Prophecy Room", I tried to quiet my heart and remove all the preemptive judgment that I'm prone to form and hold onto as if my life depended on it. As I was sitting there I thought of the often used Biblical phrase of "a company of prophets" throughout the Old Testament, especially in II Kings there are companies of prophets, I don't know exactly what this meant, but I did think that this company of prophets were probably the "real thing" and they traveled around in a group and people came to them and received prophetic words. So really this group I'd just driven 3 1/2 hours to see weren't the first group of people gathered together saying they could prophecy.
After a few minutes we were taken to the Prophecy Room. All the chairs were set up in pairs with one empty chair and one with a little tape recorder in it. Each person sat in an empty chair and a man that couldn't have been much older than me told us that people who felt like they should pray or talk to us would come and sit in the other chair and talk into the tape recorder so we could take our prophecy home (yeah, seemed a little weird to me), he went on to say that their view of prophecy went along with I Corinthians 13, that they only spoke words of life and encouragement, no one was going to be judged or called out for some sin they'd committed. I sat for a minute, trying not to strain to listen to what was being said to other people, and then a guy came and sat next to me and started talking into my tape recorder. He was very nice and said some things that were helpful about faith, but nothing monumental. Moving along, a woman came and prayed for me, again, very encouraging. Then another young woman came and sat next to me. She said she'd been sitting somewhere praying and she felt like God told her to tell me "the journey's long end", at which point I completely broke down and start to cry. She went on to tell me that I've been on a journey of searching for love and truth, and that it has been a hard journey, but that the Lord has been with me the whole time and that I've been faithful to journey with Him. She told me that it's coming to an end and a new phase is on the horizon. Explanation- for the last 2 years or so, since I went to India the first time, I've struggled and searched through doubts about God's goodness, justice, and truth. This has been a hard journey, and this spring at the Grove's women's retreat God showed me the answerers to some of these questions I've struggled with and told me that he is going to heal the hurts and doubts that I've had, and that I'm coming to the end of this search for truth about all the shit I saw and experienced in India and America. - Immediately after another woman sat down next to me and told me that I wanted to serve God and do exceptional things for him, something really outside the box. And she said that God wanted me to know that even though I'm not there and doing yet He is pleased with me for wanting to do this and having answered yes to his call. She told me that even though I'm in a time of waiting and preparation right now God is pleased and loves me just as much now as he will when I'm fully in that calling. She finished my telling me that as she prayed for me the verse "blessed are the feet of those who bring good news" (Romans 10.15) came to her and that my feet are blessed, because they will bring good news, and I will go. Explanation- do I even need to give one? Let's see, India, women in the sex trade, my desire to go right now but it's not God's time yet. I can't describe how encouraging it was to hear these things. Oh, and that I have loved this verse and prayed that my feet would bring God's peace and justice, I've even considered getting it tattooed on my feet.

So, are making appointments to be prophesied over hocus pocus? You decide, but I've been convinced.

i shall no longer be "the current mrs. compston"

don't get upset, my marriage isn't on the rocks; but i feel that it is time to rename by blog. when i started blogging i named my blog the future mrs. compston, which was appropriate since i was recently engaged, and it progressed to the current after we got married. but it has now been over a year and stephen feels it's a little sketchy to be the "current", like he is going to get rid of me and move along to the future current mrs. compston. so i need a new name,
this is the plan:
1. please make suggestions as to what the new name of my blog should be (funny, serious, witty).
2. after suggestions have been made i'll chose a few of the best and set up a poll and let the readers chose the new name.
here we go, enjoy!

Kristen Simpson

here i am as a simpson. check out stephen's blog for the link and his dashing pic.

indian thriller

we're all going to memorize this and perform it at the next wedding we attend.




honestly, i've never seen moves like that. the shoulder spasm and straight arm pelvic thrust.

"a change agent to impact the lives of others"

* Two social workers were walking through a rough part of the city in the evening. They heard moans and muted cries for help from a back lane. Upon investigation, they found a semi-conscious man in a pool of blood. "Help me, I've been mugged and viciously beaten" he pleaded. The two social workers turned and walked away. One remarked to her colleague: "You know the person that did this really needs help."

* A social worker is facing a mugger with a gun. "Your money or your life!" says the mugger. "I'm sorry," the social worker answers, "I am a social worker, so I have no money and no life."

what? these jokes are a little cheesy? i had no idea.
today i started my last classes, hooray. six more weeks and i'll be done with class and after a short internship in colorado i'll be an official social worker. i'm going to be doing my internship with boulder county social services in the child protection division. i'm kind of nervous, but isn't everyone when you start a new job? i'm really looking forward to being done with school and finally being able to use all the stuff i've been learning.

get excited!

there are two things i am excited about.
1. tomorrow stephen, erin, adam, and i are leaving for colorado for 5 days. we're going to visit my sister, find an apartment, and i have an interview for a very possible internship with boulder county social services. hooray!
2. gennie, erin, whitney, mere-o, and i are going to tattooed or pierced this month in honor of gennie's wedding. sounds weird i know but i just so excited about getting my next tattoo. having two just makes me sound like a bad ass, don't you think?

the beauty of community

i was reading The Cry, the word made flesh journal, and an article that talked about community said... well why don't i just let you read it...
community is not perfect, but i have a deep belief that God uses community to change the world. yes, community is a risk. however, it is a risk we are asked to take so that God can love us and others. it will expose us, strip us down, drive out our fears, change us, mold us. but in the end we are called to community so we know we are loved- so we know that we belong.
i see my community group and close friends in this so much, and it is why as i'm excited to leave for boulder, i'm sad. we have beautiful community. i belong to my community and they love me. there is an innate need in us to belong and it is so good to know that i belong to fifteen-ish people who genuinely care about me and who i care about. and as we break up i can still see God's hand in our community. if there has ever been a network built up to send people out we have one, in fact it is so strong that people don't want to leave. and i pray that as we all go out that we would sent each other in love and hope that our community will remain across states and continents because we belong to each other. i mean just look how God is sending us to people who have nowhere to belong.
whitney- tibet
erin- tibet short term then denver
jones'- tibet short term
stu- mexico
james and adam- austin
compstons- boulder
callan- chicago
meredith and cara- public schools
john- u of a students
gennie and brian- china (eventually)
imagine how great those places will be when God extends our community. i'll end with another quote from the cry.
i was there, as well. i didn't have anyone- not family, not brothers or sisters who understood. but they, they won't leave you. we are family. we are community- that's how we are.

SHARP TEETH FOR SALE

not really, but it's a catchy title. we just have two cars for sale.

1999 Honda Accord- $7,000 it's a chick magnet and a sassy 1998 Ford Escort- a low $2,000.

i know you all need another car so feel free to contact me and purchase both cars.

- but really, please spread the word and let us know if anyone is interested.

thanks

INCREDIBLE

i'm copying and pasting excerpts of a post by a friend who lives in kolkata and works with red light workers, trying to get them out of the trade by teaching them to sew old saris into blankets. they just took in a new group of girls to train.

"i don't know if i wrote about this lady earlier but a new trainee, A, was diagnosed with active TB. we arranged for her to go to this free TB hospital. the day she was supposed to leave all the sari bari ladies and sarah prayed for her. to make a kinda long story short.....there were no signs of active TB in her lungs when she went back to the doctor. she was healed.

A was telling us through tears how happy she was about this because now she gets to work at sari bari. it was so so cool.

so i think God healed someone. i am a skeptic at heart but i saw the first doctor's report. he said she had blood clots and wanted to admit her immediately. then there was only a fibrous piece in her lung. no signs of any active TB. I love being silenced in my skepticism by the love of God." -Kristin Keen-

INCREDIBLE

I'M DONE!

goodbye spring semester, hello summer school.
i handed in my last thing today, so i'm officially finished with the semester from hell!
what a feeling of completion.

i'm doing this strictly for my own benefit

assignments due this week:

• Personal Practice Evaluation paper-Field Seminar I-DONE!
• Group Proposal paper- Practice II- DONE!
• Informative and Resource Manual for students interested in international social work- Independent Study-DONE!
• Assertive Communication and Conflict Resolution Modules completed and ready to teach- Community Development in a Global Context- DONE!
  
• Take home final- Practice III-DONE!
• Comprehensive Final- Community Development in a Global Context-DONE!

this post is strictly so i can feel like i've accomplished somethings and not feel too overwhelmed by what i still have left to do. hope your week isn't as busy as mine!

*edit* it makes me feel good to come and edit this and add on when i finish things. i'm such a dork.

saturday night...

MARCH FOR DARFUR

What it is: A benefit to raise awareness for and promote activism to stop the genocide in Darfur.

When it is: This Saturday, April 28th, at 8:15 or so is when the bands start playing. The march starts at 7:30 at St. Paul's Episcopal Church.

Where it is: The bands/camping out will happen at the Greek Theater. The march will be up Dickson from St. Paul's.

Benefits for You: Free Tee-shirt if you march; the beautiful resonance of music from the likes of Ben Rector and Very Special Guests within thine ears; a warming of the heart (unfortunately famous in may will not be playing, but come anyway!)

computer savvy me

i completed my first real resume today, i even have it online. i'm feeling pretty proud of myself.
visit my new resume here.

a full circle moment

last night we watched Blood Diamond. i had seen it before, but it blows me away, the reality that that stuff happens everyday and it may or may not make our national news. i can't help but think of the poverty of inhabitants of really poor countries that are so desperate for peace and safety and how much is sucks that life is like that. anyway, i won't go on a tangent.... this morning i was laying in bed reading The Cry a journal put out by word made flesh, the organization i went to india with. WMF has a team that lives in freetown, sierra leone and there was an article about a ministry called the lighthouse that takes in boys who live on the bombed out streets and educates and teaches them a trade. the article talked about how these boys were accused of urinating on a building to show disrespect even though everyone knew it wasn't them, the owner just wanted to blame them because he didn't believe that they were any different from little street thieves. one of the boys stepped up and said that he'd go clean up the urine, even though it wasn't his. the article went on to talk about humility and what an example this boy was. it was, as oprah would say, a full circle moment for me; last night we'd watched freetown get shot up, and this morning i read about how Jesus is restoring it, one ex-child soldier and pick-pocket at a time. HE is risen indeed!

the least of these.....

last sunday stephen had to be the bouncer in the greenhouse and i had a lot of homework, so after i dropped him off i parked in the municipal lot across from the walton arts center and headed up to common grounds with my computer. i'd like to say that i'm always compassionate, putting others before myself, but that's a big fat lie. it was a a beautiful day outside and i'd had a great weekend so i was in a pretty good mood. as i walked past hog haus there was a man holding out his hand with change in it, asking for money. i think this was my first experience with a person begging here in fayetteville. it was an older man, probably in his 60's, he was disheveled and unshaven, i could smell his odor. at first i walked past him, but then i turned around and asked him what he wanted the money for, "just a cup of soup". so i told him i was going to common grounds to do some work and he was welcome to come with me and get something to eat. he teetered to his feet and followed me down the street. as we walked and i asked his name i realized that he was quite drunk. he ordered some creamy asparagus soup and said his name was james. his speech was slurred and he smelled really bad. let me take a moment and say that i love the liberal folks that work at common grounds. our waiter was so polite and never gave james or i any weird condescending looks, like many of the people that walked past us did. james told me that he was from around here, he used to ride the rails and lived around california for many years. he talked aobut driving his truck into a river when he got his license taken away and his girlfriend almost drowning, he cried. he said it took him an hour or two to get enough money to get a beer and sometimes he played his guitar for change. he cried at times, and eventually forgot my name and started calling me sissy. as we sat and talked for those two hours i kept praying, "Lord just tell me what to say, i'll tell him about you, just speak through me." i kept waiting for a time to speak to him, but i never felt like i should. eventually i left to go to grove and i walked james back to his bench. there is really no great point to my post, i'm just processing what happened and if i did that right thing. if you see an old drunk guy downtown he's friendly, buy him a cup of soup, he has an ulcer.

these are two of my favorite old school videos.

very cheesy i know, but funny in their own way.

a good example of what jesus isn't.



baby got book.

mother teresa

while i don't agree with all of her theology i feel that mother teresa was a wonderful women and did a great deal to personify the compassion of Jesus. while i was working in nirmal hriday, her original home for the dying, i heard this story.

one day mother asked two volunteers to go and find a certain man that often came to her home for medical care and food. he hadn't been seen a while and she wanted to give him some food and make sure he was alright. after searching the volunteers found the man; he was filthy, covered in trash and his own excrement. the volunteers brought him back to the home and began to clean him up, dumping buckets of water over him. mother came outside and pulled them away from him; she sat him on her own lap and bathed him. her first priority was not to feed or heal, but to love him.

i have a plethora of her quotes, but this is one of my favorites.
People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have,
and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis,
it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway.

nervous

i'm sitting in my apartment as my heart beats a little too fast feeling nervous. i've had a hankering to play ultimate frisbee lately and on monday i was complaining to ben casey that i hadn't found anyone to play with when he said that his coed intramural team had a few spots open, so i'm playing with them tonight. i'm not great at frisbee but i'm not bad, i fall in the category of she's good, for a girl. but as today wore on and i kept thinking about playing with a team that i don't know, save ben and maria, i've been getting nervous. so now i sit here in my apartment waiting for maria to pick me up. i have this fear that i am going to show up and everyone on the team will be incredible and i'll lose the game for them, even though maria told me that the team is really laid back.
oh well, there's maria, gotta go.

memories...

there is beauty in india

the boy who cried mo' fo'

this is my favorite comedian,mike birbiglia, i thought i'd share a little laughter with you all.

i'm totally overposting myself

this is an excerpt from the last email i wrote before leaving india in '05, i feel like it explains the way i feel now much better than my pervious post, "i'm unbelievable".

i belong in both places, but they seem worlds apart. and my two worlds are very different. how do i not abandon one for the other? how am i to bridge these two worlds? no matter how i turn it my worlds don't fit together. i can't figure out how to live in them both, my heart is torn for them. where do i stand to befriend both the rich and the poor, and how do i attempt to bridge that gap? especially when i'm not that good at living in either world?

please forgive me for my self-righteousness.

forgive me for my judgment on your wealth when it is mine as well.

forgive me for looking down on systems that perpetuate poverty, when i participate in them as well.

Lord teach us to live simply, so that others may simply live.

please forgive me for my wealth when it contributes to your wants.

forgive me for buying more when when i really needed less.

forgive me for eating too much when a few bites was all you wanted but never tasted.

forgive me for for considering you lazy when my business kept me from getting to know who you really are.

please i ask you to forgive me.

i'm unbelievable

i have been sufering from i really don't want to be hereness for the last week or two, i really shouldn't be complaining, not many people go through bouts of inner turmoil over having to stay in america. stephen and i will celebrate our first anniversary in may, he will graduate and has been accepted to law school, well he's been accepted to arkansas so far, and i'll graduate with a degree i love in december, but i'm really struggling with the idea of living in the states for at least another four years. God has made it so clear that he's going to take me overseas and i want to go, now.
life overseas, in india at least, is hard, but there is a beautiful reliance on God when he is the only stable thing in your life; and i've yet to have that while in america. i know i can't rush God's time and it was his plan for stephen to go to law school. He is good, i can see that. i do need him and he is working in me, i'm hard to satisfy. sometimes my life here which consistes of school, work, and complaining that i don't get to see stephen enough feels like i'm not doing anything of value. i'm shocked by my own selfishness, God has been so good to me as to prepare me to go overseas and he's even made it the desire of my heart, and what do i do? complain that i'm still here living the easy comfortable life. i'm unbelievable.

woe is me

why is it so hard to go to a boring class? i'd rather sit in an empty computer lab and run out of things to google than go to my boring class. at least i'm mildly entertained and in the presence of other humans while i'm there, but there is something about the monotone droning of a professor that triggers an instinct that screams STAY AWAY deep inside me!

jenna

i'm doing an internship at ozark guidance in springdale in their inpatient children's unit. most of the doors leading outside are magnetic and only the staff have a key card to open them, but today the doors stopped working for a little while. there is a little girl who came in about a week ago who has been severely neglected. her mother fed her baby food until she was five years old and when dhs got her she couldn't eat solid food because her digestive tract and her muscles were so underdeveloped. she has reactive attachment disorder as well as post-traumatic stress syndrome. jenna*, this little girl, is now eight years old and weighs 48 lbs. she is so small and her life has been so hard.
when the doors weren't working today she made a run for it, but was caught at the last second. she was immediately put on elopement precautions. she was already scared and upset from being grabbed as she was reaching for the door, and when she was told she'd have to give up her shoes for the rest of the day and wear booties it put her over the edge. she started to scream and hitting the walls and herself. to keep her from hurting herself even more she had to be restrained. since she is so small one person could hold her in a chair with her arms down. i was in my office as all this happened. i sat trying to type progress reports for my kids and i could hear jenna screaming. it's strange to hear the high voice of child yell obscenities and racial slurs. she never cried, she is so angry.
there is only one who restores, only one who can make whole. jenna is broken, she's been hurt and abused, she's been neglected and starved. who will tell her it will be ok, she'll get better, there are people she can trust, who will love her and protect her. there is a father who's heart breaks for her.
she isn't in my group of kids, i never meet with her, not that i am allowed to tell her about jesus. i pray for her. let her foster family love the lord. i love my job, but it sucks sometimes.


*name changed for confidentiality

HOLY SONNET X

Death, be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so ;
For those, whom thou think'st thou dost overthrow,
Die not, poor Death, nor yet canst thou kill me.
From rest and sleep, which but thy picture[s] be,
Much pleasure, then from thee much more must flow,
And soonest our best men with thee do go,
Rest of their bones, and soul's delivery.
Thou'rt slave to Fate, chance, kings, and desperate men,
And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell,
And poppy, or charms can make us sleep as well,
And better than thy stroke ; why swell'st thou then ?
One short sleep past, we wake eternally,
And Death shall be no more ; Death, thou shalt die.

John Donne

malakai continued

my nephew....

yes, he was born with a fauxhawk.

6lbs 11oz, he's a little guy.

he loves me.

he had a little jaundice so we had to set him in the sun every day, which was so cute.

Malakai Andrew Dangers

after an exhausting trip home from india on friday my only sister, who lives in colorado springs went into labor with her first baby. so saturday morning i climbed in the backseat of my parents car and we fought our way through the ice and snow for about 15 hours to see my sister and precious little nephew. it has been hard to be away from home when i'm so tired and to be away from stpehen when i'm trying to process through my trip, but worth it to see my nephew and sister. i'm flying home tomorrow, (praise God for cheap flights at the last minute!) and really looking forward to seeing my friends. i just thought i'd post one picture for now, more are sure to come later. this is malakai andrew dangers just after he was born on saturday morning.

check out his hair!

behild the facade

do you ever have that feeling that you've learned nothing and everything at the same time? i don't you if you do, since i might be experiencing it for the first time. i've been amazed on this trip at how nothing has been like i planned, and i feel like i haven't learned anything and had my world torn apart like i did last time i was in india, but this morning we had a really good time of journaling and prayer and i realized i have learned quite a bit, it just wasn't what i was expecting to go home with.

1. i don't know that i'll be back to calcutta like i did last time i was here. it was almost a year and half ago that i left and God had been clear that i'd be back, i assumed that meant long term. but now i'm not sure. i still want to be about justice and freedom for the poor and oppressed but as my time here ends i'm realizing that i don't have that pull on my spirit saying you're coming back.
2. i don't like indian food. i didn't like it last time i was here. i don't know why i thought that i did.
3. i am fairly outspoken about people's need to live simply, i believe that poverty is strongly related to an unequal distribution of resources, but i want to live simply in the united states, where i have hot water and no parasites, and chick-fil-a and flying burrito (mmmm). i don't' want to sell all my possessions and give them to the poor if that would make me poor. i am brutally selfish.
4. i want to help the poor but get glory for myself (ouch, but true). i want my husband to go to a prestigious law school and i'll get my masters in human trafficking so we can help poor people with our lofty degrees and special training, as God if couldn't help them without us.

these things are grossly true deep inside of me, and i want to get the hell out of india so i can stop thinking about them and go back to my comfortable bug less apartment and eat popcorn. so felt that i should confess all my crap to you, so that i don't hide it. after all, i can't lay down my selfish desires and die to them while i'm struggling to keep up the facade that they don't exist.