get excited!

there are two things i am excited about.
1. tomorrow stephen, erin, adam, and i are leaving for colorado for 5 days. we're going to visit my sister, find an apartment, and i have an interview for a very possible internship with boulder county social services. hooray!
2. gennie, erin, whitney, mere-o, and i are going to tattooed or pierced this month in honor of gennie's wedding. sounds weird i know but i just so excited about getting my next tattoo. having two just makes me sound like a bad ass, don't you think?

the beauty of community

i was reading The Cry, the word made flesh journal, and an article that talked about community said... well why don't i just let you read it...
community is not perfect, but i have a deep belief that God uses community to change the world. yes, community is a risk. however, it is a risk we are asked to take so that God can love us and others. it will expose us, strip us down, drive out our fears, change us, mold us. but in the end we are called to community so we know we are loved- so we know that we belong.
i see my community group and close friends in this so much, and it is why as i'm excited to leave for boulder, i'm sad. we have beautiful community. i belong to my community and they love me. there is an innate need in us to belong and it is so good to know that i belong to fifteen-ish people who genuinely care about me and who i care about. and as we break up i can still see God's hand in our community. if there has ever been a network built up to send people out we have one, in fact it is so strong that people don't want to leave. and i pray that as we all go out that we would sent each other in love and hope that our community will remain across states and continents because we belong to each other. i mean just look how God is sending us to people who have nowhere to belong.
whitney- tibet
erin- tibet short term then denver
jones'- tibet short term
stu- mexico
james and adam- austin
compstons- boulder
callan- chicago
meredith and cara- public schools
john- u of a students
gennie and brian- china (eventually)
imagine how great those places will be when God extends our community. i'll end with another quote from the cry.
i was there, as well. i didn't have anyone- not family, not brothers or sisters who understood. but they, they won't leave you. we are family. we are community- that's how we are.

SHARP TEETH FOR SALE

not really, but it's a catchy title. we just have two cars for sale.

1999 Honda Accord- $7,000 it's a chick magnet and a sassy 1998 Ford Escort- a low $2,000.

i know you all need another car so feel free to contact me and purchase both cars.

- but really, please spread the word and let us know if anyone is interested.

thanks

INCREDIBLE

i'm copying and pasting excerpts of a post by a friend who lives in kolkata and works with red light workers, trying to get them out of the trade by teaching them to sew old saris into blankets. they just took in a new group of girls to train.

"i don't know if i wrote about this lady earlier but a new trainee, A, was diagnosed with active TB. we arranged for her to go to this free TB hospital. the day she was supposed to leave all the sari bari ladies and sarah prayed for her. to make a kinda long story short.....there were no signs of active TB in her lungs when she went back to the doctor. she was healed.

A was telling us through tears how happy she was about this because now she gets to work at sari bari. it was so so cool.

so i think God healed someone. i am a skeptic at heart but i saw the first doctor's report. he said she had blood clots and wanted to admit her immediately. then there was only a fibrous piece in her lung. no signs of any active TB. I love being silenced in my skepticism by the love of God." -Kristin Keen-

INCREDIBLE

I'M DONE!

goodbye spring semester, hello summer school.
i handed in my last thing today, so i'm officially finished with the semester from hell!
what a feeling of completion.

i'm doing this strictly for my own benefit

assignments due this week:

• Personal Practice Evaluation paper-Field Seminar I-DONE!
• Group Proposal paper- Practice II- DONE!
• Informative and Resource Manual for students interested in international social work- Independent Study-DONE!
• Assertive Communication and Conflict Resolution Modules completed and ready to teach- Community Development in a Global Context- DONE!
  
• Take home final- Practice III-DONE!
• Comprehensive Final- Community Development in a Global Context-DONE!

this post is strictly so i can feel like i've accomplished somethings and not feel too overwhelmed by what i still have left to do. hope your week isn't as busy as mine!

*edit* it makes me feel good to come and edit this and add on when i finish things. i'm such a dork.

saturday night...

MARCH FOR DARFUR

What it is: A benefit to raise awareness for and promote activism to stop the genocide in Darfur.

When it is: This Saturday, April 28th, at 8:15 or so is when the bands start playing. The march starts at 7:30 at St. Paul's Episcopal Church.

Where it is: The bands/camping out will happen at the Greek Theater. The march will be up Dickson from St. Paul's.

Benefits for You: Free Tee-shirt if you march; the beautiful resonance of music from the likes of Ben Rector and Very Special Guests within thine ears; a warming of the heart (unfortunately famous in may will not be playing, but come anyway!)

computer savvy me

i completed my first real resume today, i even have it online. i'm feeling pretty proud of myself.
visit my new resume here.

a full circle moment

last night we watched Blood Diamond. i had seen it before, but it blows me away, the reality that that stuff happens everyday and it may or may not make our national news. i can't help but think of the poverty of inhabitants of really poor countries that are so desperate for peace and safety and how much is sucks that life is like that. anyway, i won't go on a tangent.... this morning i was laying in bed reading The Cry a journal put out by word made flesh, the organization i went to india with. WMF has a team that lives in freetown, sierra leone and there was an article about a ministry called the lighthouse that takes in boys who live on the bombed out streets and educates and teaches them a trade. the article talked about how these boys were accused of urinating on a building to show disrespect even though everyone knew it wasn't them, the owner just wanted to blame them because he didn't believe that they were any different from little street thieves. one of the boys stepped up and said that he'd go clean up the urine, even though it wasn't his. the article went on to talk about humility and what an example this boy was. it was, as oprah would say, a full circle moment for me; last night we'd watched freetown get shot up, and this morning i read about how Jesus is restoring it, one ex-child soldier and pick-pocket at a time. HE is risen indeed!

the least of these.....

last sunday stephen had to be the bouncer in the greenhouse and i had a lot of homework, so after i dropped him off i parked in the municipal lot across from the walton arts center and headed up to common grounds with my computer. i'd like to say that i'm always compassionate, putting others before myself, but that's a big fat lie. it was a a beautiful day outside and i'd had a great weekend so i was in a pretty good mood. as i walked past hog haus there was a man holding out his hand with change in it, asking for money. i think this was my first experience with a person begging here in fayetteville. it was an older man, probably in his 60's, he was disheveled and unshaven, i could smell his odor. at first i walked past him, but then i turned around and asked him what he wanted the money for, "just a cup of soup". so i told him i was going to common grounds to do some work and he was welcome to come with me and get something to eat. he teetered to his feet and followed me down the street. as we walked and i asked his name i realized that he was quite drunk. he ordered some creamy asparagus soup and said his name was james. his speech was slurred and he smelled really bad. let me take a moment and say that i love the liberal folks that work at common grounds. our waiter was so polite and never gave james or i any weird condescending looks, like many of the people that walked past us did. james told me that he was from around here, he used to ride the rails and lived around california for many years. he talked aobut driving his truck into a river when he got his license taken away and his girlfriend almost drowning, he cried. he said it took him an hour or two to get enough money to get a beer and sometimes he played his guitar for change. he cried at times, and eventually forgot my name and started calling me sissy. as we sat and talked for those two hours i kept praying, "Lord just tell me what to say, i'll tell him about you, just speak through me." i kept waiting for a time to speak to him, but i never felt like i should. eventually i left to go to grove and i walked james back to his bench. there is really no great point to my post, i'm just processing what happened and if i did that right thing. if you see an old drunk guy downtown he's friendly, buy him a cup of soup, he has an ulcer.

these are two of my favorite old school videos.

very cheesy i know, but funny in their own way.

a good example of what jesus isn't.



baby got book.

mother teresa

while i don't agree with all of her theology i feel that mother teresa was a wonderful women and did a great deal to personify the compassion of Jesus. while i was working in nirmal hriday, her original home for the dying, i heard this story.

one day mother asked two volunteers to go and find a certain man that often came to her home for medical care and food. he hadn't been seen a while and she wanted to give him some food and make sure he was alright. after searching the volunteers found the man; he was filthy, covered in trash and his own excrement. the volunteers brought him back to the home and began to clean him up, dumping buckets of water over him. mother came outside and pulled them away from him; she sat him on her own lap and bathed him. her first priority was not to feed or heal, but to love him.

i have a plethora of her quotes, but this is one of my favorites.
People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have,
and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis,
it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway.

nervous

i'm sitting in my apartment as my heart beats a little too fast feeling nervous. i've had a hankering to play ultimate frisbee lately and on monday i was complaining to ben casey that i hadn't found anyone to play with when he said that his coed intramural team had a few spots open, so i'm playing with them tonight. i'm not great at frisbee but i'm not bad, i fall in the category of she's good, for a girl. but as today wore on and i kept thinking about playing with a team that i don't know, save ben and maria, i've been getting nervous. so now i sit here in my apartment waiting for maria to pick me up. i have this fear that i am going to show up and everyone on the team will be incredible and i'll lose the game for them, even though maria told me that the team is really laid back.
oh well, there's maria, gotta go.

memories...

there is beauty in india

the boy who cried mo' fo'

this is my favorite comedian,mike birbiglia, i thought i'd share a little laughter with you all.

i'm totally overposting myself

this is an excerpt from the last email i wrote before leaving india in '05, i feel like it explains the way i feel now much better than my pervious post, "i'm unbelievable".

i belong in both places, but they seem worlds apart. and my two worlds are very different. how do i not abandon one for the other? how am i to bridge these two worlds? no matter how i turn it my worlds don't fit together. i can't figure out how to live in them both, my heart is torn for them. where do i stand to befriend both the rich and the poor, and how do i attempt to bridge that gap? especially when i'm not that good at living in either world?

please forgive me for my self-righteousness.

forgive me for my judgment on your wealth when it is mine as well.

forgive me for looking down on systems that perpetuate poverty, when i participate in them as well.

Lord teach us to live simply, so that others may simply live.

please forgive me for my wealth when it contributes to your wants.

forgive me for buying more when when i really needed less.

forgive me for eating too much when a few bites was all you wanted but never tasted.

forgive me for for considering you lazy when my business kept me from getting to know who you really are.

please i ask you to forgive me.

i'm unbelievable

i have been sufering from i really don't want to be hereness for the last week or two, i really shouldn't be complaining, not many people go through bouts of inner turmoil over having to stay in america. stephen and i will celebrate our first anniversary in may, he will graduate and has been accepted to law school, well he's been accepted to arkansas so far, and i'll graduate with a degree i love in december, but i'm really struggling with the idea of living in the states for at least another four years. God has made it so clear that he's going to take me overseas and i want to go, now.
life overseas, in india at least, is hard, but there is a beautiful reliance on God when he is the only stable thing in your life; and i've yet to have that while in america. i know i can't rush God's time and it was his plan for stephen to go to law school. He is good, i can see that. i do need him and he is working in me, i'm hard to satisfy. sometimes my life here which consistes of school, work, and complaining that i don't get to see stephen enough feels like i'm not doing anything of value. i'm shocked by my own selfishness, God has been so good to me as to prepare me to go overseas and he's even made it the desire of my heart, and what do i do? complain that i'm still here living the easy comfortable life. i'm unbelievable.

woe is me

why is it so hard to go to a boring class? i'd rather sit in an empty computer lab and run out of things to google than go to my boring class. at least i'm mildly entertained and in the presence of other humans while i'm there, but there is something about the monotone droning of a professor that triggers an instinct that screams STAY AWAY deep inside me!

jenna

i'm doing an internship at ozark guidance in springdale in their inpatient children's unit. most of the doors leading outside are magnetic and only the staff have a key card to open them, but today the doors stopped working for a little while. there is a little girl who came in about a week ago who has been severely neglected. her mother fed her baby food until she was five years old and when dhs got her she couldn't eat solid food because her digestive tract and her muscles were so underdeveloped. she has reactive attachment disorder as well as post-traumatic stress syndrome. jenna*, this little girl, is now eight years old and weighs 48 lbs. she is so small and her life has been so hard.
when the doors weren't working today she made a run for it, but was caught at the last second. she was immediately put on elopement precautions. she was already scared and upset from being grabbed as she was reaching for the door, and when she was told she'd have to give up her shoes for the rest of the day and wear booties it put her over the edge. she started to scream and hitting the walls and herself. to keep her from hurting herself even more she had to be restrained. since she is so small one person could hold her in a chair with her arms down. i was in my office as all this happened. i sat trying to type progress reports for my kids and i could hear jenna screaming. it's strange to hear the high voice of child yell obscenities and racial slurs. she never cried, she is so angry.
there is only one who restores, only one who can make whole. jenna is broken, she's been hurt and abused, she's been neglected and starved. who will tell her it will be ok, she'll get better, there are people she can trust, who will love her and protect her. there is a father who's heart breaks for her.
she isn't in my group of kids, i never meet with her, not that i am allowed to tell her about jesus. i pray for her. let her foster family love the lord. i love my job, but it sucks sometimes.


*name changed for confidentiality

HOLY SONNET X

Death, be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so ;
For those, whom thou think'st thou dost overthrow,
Die not, poor Death, nor yet canst thou kill me.
From rest and sleep, which but thy picture[s] be,
Much pleasure, then from thee much more must flow,
And soonest our best men with thee do go,
Rest of their bones, and soul's delivery.
Thou'rt slave to Fate, chance, kings, and desperate men,
And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell,
And poppy, or charms can make us sleep as well,
And better than thy stroke ; why swell'st thou then ?
One short sleep past, we wake eternally,
And Death shall be no more ; Death, thou shalt die.

John Donne