the journey's long end

Hope

2008-07-10T10:18:00.000-05:00

Welcome to the Compings

2008-03-26T11:58:00.004-05:00

Let's all watch this just one more time...

oooo...it gives me chills and makes me cry.

- In other Compston news, we are officially becoming the Rushtons/Compings. Stephen and I signed a lease on a house last night with our friends Ray and Shauna Rushing. We are going to move in together in May and become swingers.

We have been talking a lot about living in Christian community and what that looks like. We don't really know what it means to live together in community but we're excited about figuring it out. We want to be able to give without expecting return, be hospitable, love and confront each other, and share our views of God so that each of us knows Him in a new way. It's like we all marrying each other...which is why we're swinging.

Any thoughts?

*Edit: Due to some negative feedback from our roommates and a friend, I'd like to clarify that we are not and will never be involved in any type of spouse swap.

Happy Friday, hope your's goes a little better

2008-03-07T13:11:00.002-06:00

So each month at work I have to submit a record of purchases and the receipts from those purchases that clients have made so we are accountable that we aren't exploiting them or anything, and I had starting making the record and finished with one client and put all of his receipts and record in an envelope. Then I got really busy and left it on my desk for like two days, so it's due today and I started looking for the envelope and I couldn't find it anywhere, so I started to freak out since it had all the receipts in it, and we would be liable to have to pay back all the money for the lost receipts, so I looked all over my office, in my box, I moved everything, pulled desks and tables away from the wall trying to find it, no luck. I thought the only think that could have happened was that someone had thrown it away so I go to dig through the trash can, and I see that another client who is OCD with cleaning has emptied all the trash cans, off I go to the dumpster and there is all the trash from my office, so I do quite a bit of cursing and go back in and put some gloves on then climbed up into the dumpster and start to dig. And of course someone had gone through the field across from the house and picked up all the animal poop. So I find myself standing in a dumpster full of overflowing bags of shit; yes shit. As my hair falls into my face and I move it with my gloved shit hands and much profanity I dig and dig to no avail. No envelope.

That is really the best part of the story, I stormed back inside and pulled everything off my shelves and shook it, and somehow the envelope had slid under a notebook and gotten up inside it. Of course, why didn't I look there first.

Happy Friday!

Over my dead body

2008-02-24T12:10:00.002-06:00

You know how you can read some little quote and it just sticks with you. I have been reading The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne and he quotes Dorthy Day saying,

"If they come for the innocent and do not pass over our bodies, then cursed be our religion."

I keep mulling this over in my mind and being amazed by the beauty and mystery of it. We have been given the gift of finishing the work that Jesus started in protecting the innocent. What a precious thing for Him to pass on to us to continue.

To enter in

2008-01-28T10:14:00.000-06:00

What a weekend I've had...Origins (our church) has these things called "learning weekends" where a person comes in and hangs out with the Origins community all weekend.
For the last three weeks Stephen and I have been meeting with a group of about 15 people reading Christianity and the Social Crisis and discussing justice in preparation for the learning weekend. So on Friday Rob Morris, founder of Love 146 came and spent the weekend with Origins and we talked about and studied Biblical justice, and it was so good.

Let me back track a little bit and update on what's been going on in my life and heart the past few months. As some of you may remember a few days before we moved to Colorado I went to IHOP with my parents and had some prophetic things said to me. One of which was "the journey's long end". At the time I didn't know quiet what this meant, (honestly I still don't) but since we've been here God has been healing and restoring me, and it's been so sweet.

"Therefore I am now going to allure her;
I will lead her into the desert
and speak tenderly to her.
There I will give her back her vineyards,
and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope.
There she will sing as in the days of her youth,
as in the day she came up out of Egypt.
"In that day," declares the LORD,
"you will call me 'my husband';
you will no longer call me 'my master.'
I will betroth you to me forever;
I will betroth you in righteousness and justice,
in love and compassion.
I will betroth you in faithfulness,
and you will acknowledge the LORD.
Hosea 2.14-16. 19-20

I know I'm taking this verse out of context a little but it describes so well what has been going on. For the last two and a half years I've been on a journey of searching and learning and lately God has been opening my eyes to what he's been teaching me. I was telling Stephen this the other day and trying to describe how I've been learning all this stuff, but I didn't know it. I have been searching and God has been revealing bits and pieces of truth about himself to me, and in the last few months I've been able to see the big picture of what he's been showing me.

This weekend wasn't what I expected, in that we didn't focus on the atrocities of the world, but on God's love; and how without continual intimacy with God justice isn't what God intended it to be. One of the things that the Father has been showing me was that when I went to India I had a inaccurate view of God's love, and since really the only two commandments are to love God and love people, not understanding God's love really messed me up. When I though of love I equated it with affection and sentiment, and I didn't understand justice, and God without justice isn't truth, and God who isn't true is a liar, and that's a big deal. So, when I came back I got rid of all things in the church and in spirituality that I had believed to be true and started over, searching for what really was true.

I feel like I'm not making sense, but I don't know how else to explain it. For example, Stephen really wants to have daughters one day, and I can see how he already loves them and thinks about our lives with them. So if we were to finally have little girls and Stephen was constantly telling them he loves them and providing for them; then one day they came home beaten and bleeding and Stephen cleaned them up and held them, but when they told him who had hurt them he didn't do anything, then by his action, or inaction, we see that he doesn't really love them the way he's claimed to. This was how I saw God's love when I was confronted the atrocities I experienced in India. And so I had to start over and learn what his love really was, because I did believe that He was good, because I'd seen his goodness in my life, but I couldn't reconcile my view of God with what I saw. So I questioned everything. I didn't know what things I'd been taught were true and what things were feel good answers to hard questions.

Last year at the women's retreat with the Grove I has wrestling with God and questioning his presence in the lives of girls I'd grown to love that were still in the sex trade. And as I cried out to him saying, "what about Asha, what about Lota, and Kovita,and Shamilee", God interrupted my complaints and said, "Kristen, I know their names, they are mine. I know my daughters, eta amar meye".

I look back and I can see that He'd been trying to show me that for a long time, but I was so full of questions, cynicism, doubt, and anger that I couldn't hear the still, small voice saying, they are mine, I know my daughters, and I love them with true love. The love that when they call out to me nothing can stop my from being with and rescuing them. The Lord continued to show me that this love that I have for these women isn't because I'm compassionate, but because they've been calling out to him and he will not be silent. And I had fallen in love with them because He's answering their cry, through me, through Kristen Keen and Sarah Lance at Sari Bari, through IJM and Love 146, through the Hiltons at Freeset Bags, and all of these people are working in the things that they do, not because they love the women and children they work with, but because God loves the women and children they are working with. I know this seems like a simple concept, but when my world had been ripped apart, I needed to know that this was true and since I'd never been taught about God's justice, I needed him to prove it's truth. So, this weekend when our focus was on the father love of God and that this is what justice stems from it was so sweet to be able to know that this is true.

I'll end with one last story. Brad, the pastor of Origins, was telling us a story of when he was in Cambodia and was in a sex district, posing as a John. He had been talking with a child who was being prostituted there, and as he walked away he watched a man walk up and hire the child; as they walked away the scene of the two of them began to play in Brad's mind. Even as he tried to stop it he saw the man walk with the child through the dark hallways of a brothel and go into a room. He saw the door close, and he saw the man begin to molest and rape the child. Brad began to cry out to God and say why are you showing me this? And God answered, "I always see. I can't look away when the door closes, I am there each time. I've only shown you what I see each day and night".
As I listened to Brad recount this experience, all I could think was how beautiful, how beautiful; that God's love is true. And when those he loves suffer he cannot turn away, and he doesn't give cheap, easy answers for what goes on in dark rooms as innocence is stripped. He is truth and he cannot look away. He cannot close the door. And although he already suffered unimaginable pain on the cross, he cannot let his children suffer alone, each time he suffers with them.
In the west we insulate ourselves so that we do not experience injustice; but when we chose to climb aboard the sinking ship of humanity, and know that in doing so we will join in suffering, that we will share in pain that we wouldn't otherwise experience, we begin to share the burden of suffering. We chose to enter in and this is when suffering and injustice begins to be redeemed. Not through political powers, but through the body of Christ entering in with him and sharing the burden of the fall.

Enter In, by Angela Heirendt, pg. 9

Things I learned this month...

2008-01-25T17:47:00.000-06:00

People aren't pulling jet skis behind there trucks, they are snow mobiles.

Bob Dylan is white. Until this month I thought he was black and I couldn't figure out who that little white man was that's on all his album covers.

Go ahead, laugh.

Homecoming

2008-01-17T14:16:00.000-06:00

Is is unethical to be posting while I'm on the clock and have things I need to be doing?

I know it's been a while, as Liz so lovingly put it, I should have made me new year's resolution to post more. I appologize.

This weekend I'm coming to Arkansas! My friend Katy got married and this weekend is her reception. I'm flying in Fiday afternoon and I'd like to see as many people as possible. I can't wait to go to the Grove, but I'd love to have coffee with anyone who wants. I'll be in town Friday-Monday.

On a different note, one of my clients has the Dirty Dancing sound track and I borrowed it and I'm rocking out to "I had the Time of My Life" over and over, awesome.

Come Hell or High Water

2007-12-09T17:23:00.000-06:00

In Dante's Inferno the further into hell Dante and Virgil go the colder it gets, and those suffering are trapped in a frozen lake; as of last night I find this totally accurate.

Stephen and I have been pretty busy so we planned to take a break on Saturday and go snowboarding at Copper Mountain. It usually takes us about an hour and a half to get there and the same to get home. Steve's finals start this week so he had decided to take his stuff to study and ride half the day and then go inside and study while I was riding in the afternoon. So, yesterday morning we got up early and left for the mountain expecting to get there at 9:30am; unfortunately we ran into traffic about half way there due to emergency work being done on a bridge on I-70 (although when we finally passed the bridge no one was working on it, ahhh, frustration). So we sat in the car and yelled at other drivers with our windows up and called Stu so we didn't go crazy, and finally got to the mountain at 11am. Steve, being the responsible guy he is, didn't even get his board he just went to a bar at the resort and studied all afternoon while I snowboarded. It had been snowing and the powder was freaking awesome, but we wanted to leave by 3:30 so we could get through the pass and off the mountain before it got late and dark and the roads got bad.

After I had one last run we headed back to the car, and were surprised by the amount of snow accumulated on it. We packed up and got on the road at 3:30. As we merged onto I-70 we were surprised at how much traffic there was, but then again this was the first good powder of the season and a lot of people were in the mountains. We were also surprised at how slow traffic was moving, we crawled along for about an hour and realized it was because all 18 wheelers were being required to have chains on and they were pulled over, slowing traffic. We continued to crawl up the mountain toward the Eisenhower Tunnel as it got dark and the roads went from bad to worse. Since Stephen's finals start this week there was no way we were pulling over and trying to stay the night in case it got really bad and they closed I-70 and he couldn't get back for finals, then we realized that wasn't an option there were no exits until we got through the tunnel to the other side of the mountain and at the rate we were going that was going to take all night.
Both of us had headaches, probably from sitting in traffic and breathing fumes, so Steve chugged a bottle of water, hoping that would help. Thirty minutes passed and he started mentioning he had to use the bathroom. The road continued to get worse; people were sliding all over the place and spinning out. The Subaru proved her worth and I'm so glad we got her before we moved; we never got out of control but we were going about 5 or 10mph and inching our way up, not even daring to try and switch lanes. We were in the far left lane of the divided highway so were were next to the divider and had no place to pull over, which was becoming a big deal as Steve's need to go to the bathroom became more urgent. Let me explain the significance of this; on road trips Steve NEVER has to stop for the bathroom, I think he only goes in the morning and at night, so for him to be complaining that he really needed to go was big. Unfortunately we were in the worse possible place for him to need to go the bathroom, on an icy highway, in the left lane, on top of a mountain, in a snowstorm.
Cars were stuck all over the place and we didn't want to try and risk anything, but it was becoming an emergency. I pulled out one of our empty water bottles and told him to go in it and we'd just throw it away when we got home, for a minute it seemed like this plan was going to work. Unfortunately that morning he'd decided to wear his old snowboarding pants since they are warmer, and those pants aren't exactly easy access, so to use the bottle while sitting down he's have to take them down to mid thigh. As Stephen was considering the dilemma we finally began to get close to the tunnel, which also means street lights. At this point Steve was wiggling and squirming, wishing he could cross his legs. I even told him that if he needed to pee his pants I wouldn't judge. About the same time we got to the tunnel which is very well lit and traffic picked up to about 25 or 30mph, so we made a plan. No water bottle, we'd switch lanes in the tunnel and be ready to pull over on the other side and he could get out and go. In his excitement Stephen had confused the tunnel, there are two we go through on the trip one is only a few hundred feet, the Eisenhower is a few miles, and very well lit. We made the lane switch and got behind a minivan going 25. Finally Steve couldn't stand it and got back in the left lane, trying to get around the van; we'd reached a pee or die situation. But as were coming round the van the end of the tunnel came into sight, we began to freak out, "we're not going to make it back into the right lane!" As we emerged from the tunnel there was a spot, in the median where there was no divider, we pulled in. It took only a split second for Steve to jump out and begin to relieve himself. Let me paint this picture for you, there are three lanes of traffic pouring out of the tunnel after trying to get up the mountain for 2 1/2 hours, my husband is standing in the snow with the tunnel back lighting him, and in his hurry hadn't closed the car door so our dome light was shining bright. I was laughing so hard I couldn't manage to reach up and turn it off and Steve is standing in the open door sighing great sighs of relief. Two separate cars rolled down their windows and cheered for him as they went by.

It took us another two and a half hours to get home. Which were complicated by running out of washer fluid and the wipers freezing over, so I leaned out and tried to spray them with a can of deicer which all came flying back, soaking my face, which can't be good for you. As we got near the bottom of the mountain the snow lightened up and we could talk instead of having to solely focus on the road, which made the rest of the trip a little better. We discussed what we want to name our kids and whether or not we'd move back to the south to raise them.

We finally got home, at 8:30pm and saw that 10-12 inches of snow had fallen in Broomfield throughout the day. I took a hot shower and scrubbed my face then made popcorn and watched Seinfeld. Our trip to Copper and back, which should have been 3 hours total, had taken all of 8 hours and on our way home we'd hit a top speed of 35mph.

Getting back to Dante, I think hell could be a frozen tundra of highway, with no bathroom.

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Now what?

2007-12-01T15:54:00.001-06:00

I enjoy change, I look for a good adventure every now and then, I don't deny these things. I'm done with school, I got a "real job", and I don't know what to do with myself. Since the end of high school that I've had something on the horizon; going to college, transferring schools, going to India, being engaged, getting married, going back to India, moving to Colorado, graduating... now here I am. A married Colorado resident with my degree and I don't know what to do with myself. The next two and a half years we're going to be here while Stephen finishes school and I'm going to have to be stable, no quitting my job and leaving the country. It's like I'm an adult with responsibilities and everything. I've been feeling restless and I think this new discovery is part of the reason, I'm not on the verge of any big event, which is how most of life is, I think. So, what now?

Last night we hung out with our friends Asher and Halen and talked specifics about staring a community group, which I'm excited about. We've been telling people at Origins, our church, about our old community group and how wonderful is was and we're trying to model our new group around the idea of our old one. I think we're going to start up in January after all the holiday fuss is over.

So, here's to new friends and rest; and not having homework; cheers!

Chestnuts roasting on an open fire...I love Christmas music

2007-11-24T17:43:00.000-06:00

Stephen's mom told me you can't judge a place until you've been there three months, it doesn't feel like home until three months. Well, Linda, time is up, and I'm judging.
That's right, we've been here three months and it is starting to feel like home. I love our church and I think we're going to start a community group with a few other couples and I'm so excited about having one again. Since I've been so infrequent with my posting I'll give a quick catch-up on life.

finished my internship
had bronchitis (which blows)
caught three little boys "sword fighting" in the bathroom at work
got a job a new job
Thanksgiving
Put up Christmas decorations

I think life is going to slow down a little now and I'm excited about it. I put my two weeks in at work and I'll be starting my new job on December 6. Finally, I'm an official social worker. I'm going to be working for Imagine as a counselor for five disabled adults, I'm pretty excited about it.

I've also been going through some really fun stuff with God. As I've continued on my journey's long end He's been showing me more of his freedom and justice in ways I couldn't see before. Maybe I'll write about it in more detail later, but for now, it's good to be coming out of a desert and into a new place that doesn't rip my world apart quite so often.

I miss Pint Night

2007-11-04T18:29:00.000-06:00

We went snowboarding yesterday; everything hurts today.
I'm mad we didn't get to go to Brian and Gennie's Halloween party.
We don't have a small group or anything like that and I'm feeling the effects of being out of community.
I love the public library, it's my happy place.
This Friday we're helping put on an event to raise awareness about sex trafficking, I'm excited.

2 days, 2 posts

2007-10-21T15:02:00.000-05:00

This morning Stephen woke up and told me to come look out the window, and what did I behold? Yes, the first snow. Yesterday I wore a t-shirt and it was 80 degrees outside, but this morning it was falling hard. It made me really excited to go snowboarding, I ordered some boarding pants yesterday and we're buying our passes this week; which leads me to my second reason for posting.

If you (reader) are planning on coming to ride or ski this season, whether you are staying with us or not, the sooner you buy your passes the cheaper they will be. Stephen and I are getting passes for Copper Mountain and Winter Park/Mary Jane, and if you buy your pass before they open they're cheaper, check out PassWagon.com.

2007-10-20T15:06:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I counted all the Subaru's I passed while driving around for work between 9:30am and 2:30 pm.

Grand Total of Subaru's passed: 138

Viva Boulder!

Our new dog

2007-10-07T17:01:00.000-05:00

Ok, so we don't have a dog, I want to get one when we move to Boulder, but that won't be until like April or May, but I've been looking online and researching dogs and I've come across a few...interesting ones...

yes, this is the spawn of satan.

Shame

2007-09-30T16:54:00.000-05:00

I truly am ashamed of how long it's been since I posted, my blog is like the Harkey's, Yikes! I do have a reason though, we don't have Internet and I'm now working two jobs and about 50 hours a week between them, so I'm tired and grumpy when I get home, and you don't want me to post when I'm in that mood.
I'm still chugging along at my internship, really enjoying it when I have stuff to do, and I'm also teaching Pre-K at La Petite day care. It is an adventure. I do my internship in the mornings and teach in the afternoons. Working at a day care has made me really glad I have a degree, it's entertaining and better than fast-food or something like that, but not what I want to do forever.

I applied for a job with social services and I got a call Friday afternoon that my application made it through HR and they'll call me next week about an interview, it would be great to get this job, I'd only work 40 hours a week and be on salary, I'll keep you posted. The only downer is that if I get this job with DSS I'd have to work full time at my internship so I could finish it faster and start this job in a few weeks, which means I'd have to quit at La Petite without giving them any notice. I need some advise here, I don't know whether to mention this job I applied for to my boss at La Petite so that she knows what's going on, or to wait and see if I get it, so that if I don't she doesn't know that I considered quitting. What do you think reader?

I wish I had more interesting things to write, but I just work a lot and drink beer when I get home. I still miss everyone so much and we're waiting for Stu to decide when he's coming to visit (hint).

I'll leave you with a few of my favorite quotes from my four year olds.
-TJ coming out of the bathroom after nap time and looking down at his pants, "aw man, I peed on myself".
-Ryan pulls down his pants to show me that he's wearing his first pain of boxers and sticks his little butt my way and shouts, "it's McQueen!" (the main character from the movie cars).

Deer Mountain

2007-09-04T12:35:00.000-05:00

A few days ago Stephen, Erin, and I drove out to Rocky Mountain National Park and went hiking. It was beautiful, we even saw elk, it was so exciting. The last few weeks have been good and busy. Stephen had his first full week of regular classes last week and it went really well. We drive into Boulder in the morning and I drop him off at the law building with his lunch, it's like middle school all over again, and I head to my internship. I really like what I'm doing and the people I work with. I'm working in child protection, so I get to interact with families a lot and see them work toward building a healthier and more stable family and most really do seem to appreciate the help they receive through social services. We don't just steal people's babies, as the common stereotype depicts.

Stephen and I found a church we really like, it's called Origins and it's in Boulder. It's really small and even more laid back than the Grove. The first Sunday of each month is all worship and arts, lots of painting and dancing, and people talk or share scripture if they feel led to, it was really cool. But I find that I miss the Grove and our friends the most is when we're at church or when I spend time with the Lord, at first I though that was weird, but now I think it is beautiful in a way. My friends and church were family and the body of Christ in a way I'd never experienced before, and when I'm with the Lord I miss the body I've left behind the most. Tonight I'm going to a group that I heard about through Origins that is about ending Human Trafficking, it was really cool last week, so I'm excited to go again.

I still haven't found a part time job and I really need to start working a job that pays me. I know I really need to be seeking God in this and asking Him to lead me and let me have a good attitude about working where ever, even if it's not ideal. But I still get stuck thinking little things like a part time job are things I should be able to do on my own. Anyway, the search is on.

I'll end with a few pics from our hike.

Incredible!

At long last...

2007-08-31T10:04:00.000-05:00

Last year, on September 26th, to be exact, Whitney, Erin, and I got to hear Paul Rusesabagina speak on Darfur and his experience in Rwanda. Our friend Kelsey Schmitt took this picture and we've wanted it for the last year so you can imagine my surprise when I opened my email this morning to find it, so now, finally, here we are.

Erin was totally star struck, she got all giggly and kept saying, "I touched Paul Rusesabagina!"

Random Me

2007-08-26T18:00:00.000-05:00

I wasn't going to do this, but I enjoyed reading everyones else's random facts,so I decided to join in. Even though it it creepily similar to a chain letter.

Random Fact 1: I have had a crush on my husband since I was 14 years old.

Random Fact 2: From third grade through about seventh grade I had an imaginary horse/friend I played with named Apple Juice (creative I know).

Random Fact 3: I put Cavenders Seasoning on my popcorn and I love it!

Random Fact 4: I have had Giardia three times in my life and I've had the runs on and off since 2005 (sorry, I know that's TMI).

Random Fact 5: I make up weird songs about meaningless things and sing them while dancing around the living room. I do this fairly often, and Stephen still loves me.

Random Fact 6: I have broken 6-ish bones in my body, my knee, left wrist, left shoulder, pinky toe/foot, left thumb & hand, and a finger or two that went undiagnosed.

Random Fact 7: I learned to say "no" at age 3 and wouldn't doing anything my parents asked me to do until they spanked me; and I never really changed.

Random Fact 8: I climbed Long's Peak, a 14,257 ft. mountain, my junior year of high school and it was the hardest thing I've ever done.

two faced compston

2007-08-24T14:48:00.000-05:00

So, I decided to join the fun outdoor community of Boulder and I went rock climbing with some new friends, when I was climbing a giant rock fell from above me and I had to swing out of the way at the last minute, but it grazed my face and now I have this weird scab in the middle of my face making me similar to a batman villain.

OK, that's a total lie, but it sounds cool right. I'll explain what really happened. I had this spot on my face that looked like I was about to break out so I did what I've done to my skin since I was in high school. I've found that the best way to get rid of zits is to treat them like any other scrape or cut, I clean it, this time I used hydrogen peroxide and then I put triple antibiotic on it, I know this weirds some people out, but I'm telling you it works. Anyway, last night I peroxided the place that was bumpy on my face and it exploded a two square inch section in bubbles, I thought "man, that's weird" and went to bed. This morning I woke up and I have this big scab-rash looking think on my face, this should make it even easier to make friends. Any ideas what this could be?

Other than my new two faced identity things have been good, I still really miss good ol' Fayetteville, but I love my internship here, I'll write more about it when I have more time. Still looking for a job. The weather is great, it's in the high 60's today, and this afternoon Stephen is playing in law student softball game with free beer, so it should be a good time. I miss you all!

The first long week

2007-08-19T21:42:00.000-05:00

As of tomorrow morning we will have been gone for 1 week, but it feels so much longer. We don't have internet and all of our neighbors secured their connections so we have to drive to a coffee shop or to Erin's apartment and steal her neighbor's wireless. Anyway, here are a few highs and lows of the week.

LOWS
* Driving across Kansas in our Penske truck.
* Carrying all of our stuff to the third floor in higher altitude.
* Already missing friends and being lonely.
* Sunday's without the Grove.
* My first of many tearful breakdowns.
* Not having internet at home.
* Job hunting.
* Scary men trying to get Stephen to give him money in downtown Denver

HIGHS
* Seeing our nephew Malakai
* The view from our deck.
* Being 10 minutes from Boulder and 20 minutes form Denver.
* Being close to Erin.
* Having LOTS of help from our family.
* Thinking of Stu and Lafe burning down their dunpster, ahh (sad sigh).
* Having much cooler apartment that our old one.
* Waking Steve up by letting Malakai grab his beard.

Fun with Dick and Dane

2007-08-12T23:32:00.001-05:00

I was looking at movies online and saw a misprint of the movie "Fun with Dick and Jane" it was both funny and disturbing, but I thought better of clicking on it for fear of gay porn.

Anyway, this week has been full of sweet and sad goodbyes, stress of summer school finals and procrastinated papers, Arsaga's, last minute details that take much longer than expected and packing lots and lots of boxes. I've never really had a big move before. I lived in the same house growing up and I moved to college in the back of my '92 Jeep Cherokee. After Stephen and I got married we had to fill our cars and make two trips to our apartment to move so you can see why this week I've been amazed at the amount of crap we're accumulated in the past year. Stephen quit his job last week so that he could pack us this week while I finished summer school, and I thought "we have a small apartment, Steve can pack for a few hours each day and we'll be packed in no time", but it's taken quite a bit longer than I expected. I've had my stressed out moments and been sure we'd never be packed by Saturday, but we packed out truck yesterday (with lots of help from good friends).

Our first apartment is totally empty and we're leaving in the morning. Our last Grove is tonight and I think I'll probably cry as it will really sink in that we're moving many many miles away.

There is no way to say thanks and I'll miss you on a blog, but here goes, to all our wonderful friends, community group, fellow Grovers, I really appreciate all that you've taught me and your unique friendships, I will miss you, I already do.

Goodbye, We love you!

-And for all you English majors our there, you may have noticed I started using capitalization and punctuation. You're welcome. Think of it as my going away gift to you (hint: James).

Where is God?

2007-08-10T21:50:00.001-05:00

I just finished reading "Terrify No More" by Gary Haugen, the founder of the International Justice Mission. In this book Gary tells the story of what brought him to start IJM and about their investigation and intervention in a Cambodian village know for trafficking minors. In the final chapters Gary talked about the need for believers to be the hands and feet of God, acting out his justice in a suffering and corrupt world. He also looked back several decades to the atrocities that happened in the last century and talked about the atrocities that are happening now (slavery, sex trafficking, imprisonment, war) and charged his readers to be able to look the next generation in the eyes and tell them confidently, that we did not sit idly by, we gave up convenience and comfort to follow our loving God of justice into a world where suffering and oppression abounds, and did something.

There are still painful things of life I find myself arguing with God about, but these quarrels are less and less about injustice, and perhaps more about caner or mental illness or rain that come too late or too hard. No, for me, the great tragedies of abuse and oppression in our world are so clearly man-made disasters that I find it difficult to keep blaming God. Not only because it is men and women, not God, who perpetrate the abuses, but also because God has so clearly given men and women that power to stop the abuses. The little girls of Svay Pak were not suffering because of vague and inexplicable forces of nature. They were suffering because men and women with names and faces chose to beat them, rape them, and terrorize them. They suffered because men and women with names and faces chose to provide shelter and protection for the abusers. And at the end of the day, they suffered because the rest of us let it happen.
Given all the power and resources that God has placed in the hands of humankind, I have yet to see any injustice of humankind that could not also be stopped by humankind. I find myself sympathizing with a God who said "You have wearied the Lord with your words...by saying...Where is the God of justice?" (Malachi 2:17). Increasingly, I feel quite sure of the where abouts of God. My tradition tells of a Father in heaven who refuses to love an unjust world from a safe distance, but took his dwelling among us to endure the humility of false arrests, vicious torture, and execution. This is the God who could be found as "a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering" (Isaiah 53:3). The more I have come to know him, the harder is has become for me to ask such a God to explain where he has been. In fact, surprisingly, I don't generally hear the victims of abuse doubting the presence of God either, Much more often I hear them asking me, "Where have you been?"

-Gary Haugen, Terrify No More

school days...

2007-08-10T11:23:00.000-05:00

I just finished my last real class of my undergraduate career. I still have an internship in Boulder and I'm finishing up a correspondence course, but never again will I have to go to class (until I get my masters). I'm feeling quite proud of myself right now, I have my internship all lined up in Boulder and even though it still counts as school I really feel like I've finished, my internship is just me being a social worker will no money and extra guidance.

So here is my tribute to college and the University of Arkansas, Old Main in all her glory.

Hit that line! Hit that line! Keep on going,
Move that ball right down the field!
Give a cheer. Rah! Rah! Never fear. Rah! Rah!
Arkansas will never yield!
On your toes, Razorbacks, to the finish,
Carry on with all your might!
For it's A-R-K-A-N- S-A-S for Arkansas!
Fight! Fight! Fi-i-i-ght!

come one, come all!

2007-08-08T10:30:00.000-05:00

As one of our final acts as Fayetteville residents Stephen and I are asking for all the help we can get Saturday morning to help load our truck. There will be doughnuts and juice, I can't promise coffee since we already packed our coffee maker. We pick up our truck at 9am this Saturday and we'd like to be able to load it in a few hours so that we have the rest of the day to spend time with people and get the work done before it gets really hot out. So, if you'd like to get a workout and help us we'll see you at 9:30 Saturday morning. Thanks!

Hocus Pocus?

2007-08-05T15:39:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I went to the Farmer's Market with my parents, as we were walking along my mom told me that she and her friend, Sallye, had made reservations in the Prophecy rooms at IHOP (prayer, not pancakes) in Kansas City for that afternoon. My mom is a great fan of IHOP, and other things I find questionable, like Benny Hinn and Joel Osteen. But I have heard good things about IHOP and I wanted to spend time with my parents before we move so I decided to go, I though at least I can check this place out for myself.
I understand the motive to have a place of 24-7 prayer and worship, because we serve a God who deserves constant praise, but I found that idea of making reservations to be prophesied over kind of sketchy. Our appointments were at 4pm so we left at 12:30 and arrived just in time. We went and signed in and were given stickers with our names on them and ushered into a waiting room. As I sat, waiting to be called into the "Prophecy Room", I tried to quiet my heart and remove all the preemptive judgment that I'm prone to form and hold onto as if my life depended on it. As I was sitting there I thought of the often used Biblical phrase of "a company of prophets" throughout the Old Testament, especially in II Kings there are companies of prophets, I don't know exactly what this meant, but I did think that this company of prophets were probably the "real thing" and they traveled around in a group and people came to them and received prophetic words. So really this group I'd just driven 3 1/2 hours to see weren't the first group of people gathered together saying they could prophecy.
After a few minutes we were taken to the Prophecy Room. All the chairs were set up in pairs with one empty chair and one with a little tape recorder in it. Each person sat in an empty chair and a man that couldn't have been much older than me told us that people who felt like they should pray or talk to us would come and sit in the other chair and talk into the tape recorder so we could take our prophecy home (yeah, seemed a little weird to me), he went on to say that their view of prophecy went along with I Corinthians 13, that they only spoke words of life and encouragement, no one was going to be judged or called out for some sin they'd committed. I sat for a minute, trying not to strain to listen to what was being said to other people, and then a guy came and sat next to me and started talking into my tape recorder. He was very nice and said some things that were helpful about faith, but nothing monumental. Moving along, a woman came and prayed for me, again, very encouraging. Then another young woman came and sat next to me. She said she'd been sitting somewhere praying and she felt like God told her to tell me "the journey's long end", at which point I completely broke down and start to cry. She went on to tell me that I've been on a journey of searching for love and truth, and that it has been a hard journey, but that the Lord has been with me the whole time and that I've been faithful to journey with Him. She told me that it's coming to an end and a new phase is on the horizon. Explanation- for the last 2 years or so, since I went to India the first time, I've struggled and searched through doubts about God's goodness, justice, and truth. This has been a hard journey, and this spring at the Grove's women's retreat God showed me the answerers to some of these questions I've struggled with and told me that he is going to heal the hurts and doubts that I've had, and that I'm coming to the end of this search for truth about all the shit I saw and experienced in India and America. - Immediately after another woman sat down next to me and told me that I wanted to serve God and do exceptional things for him, something really outside the box. And she said that God wanted me to know that even though I'm not there and doing yet He is pleased with me for wanting to do this and having answered yes to his call. She told me that even though I'm in a time of waiting and preparation right now God is pleased and loves me just as much now as he will when I'm fully in that calling. She finished my telling me that as she prayed for me the verse "blessed are the feet of those who bring good news" (Romans 10.15) came to her and that my feet are blessed, because they will bring good news, and I will go. Explanation- do I even need to give one? Let's see, India, women in the sex trade, my desire to go right now but it's not God's time yet. I can't describe how encouraging it was to hear these things. Oh, and that I have loved this verse and prayed that my feet would bring God's peace and justice, I've even considered getting it tattooed on my feet.

So, are making appointments to be prophesied over hocus pocus? You decide, but I've been convinced.

i shall no longer be "the current mrs. compston"

2007-07-29T22:58:00.000-05:00

don't get upset, my marriage isn't on the rocks; but i feel that it is time to rename by blog. when i started blogging i named my blog the future mrs. compston, which was appropriate since i was recently engaged, and it progressed to the current after we got married. but it has now been over a year and stephen feels it's a little sketchy to be the "current", like he is going to get rid of me and move along to the future current mrs. compston. so i need a new name,
this is the plan:
1. please make suggestions as to what the new name of my blog should be (funny, serious, witty).
2. after suggestions have been made i'll chose a few of the best and set up a poll and let the readers chose the new name.
here we go, enjoy!

Kristen Simpson

2007-07-27T12:58:00.000-05:00

here i am as a simpson. check out stephen's blog for the link and his dashing pic.

indian thriller

2007-07-17T10:10:00.000-05:00

we're all going to memorize this and perform it at the next wedding we attend.

honestly, i've never seen moves like that. the shoulder spasm and straight arm pelvic thrust.

"a change agent to impact the lives of others"

2007-07-02T14:35:00.000-05:00

* Two social workers were walking through a rough part of the city in the evening. They heard moans and muted cries for help from a back lane. Upon investigation, they found a semi-conscious man in a pool of blood. "Help me, I've been mugged and viciously beaten" he pleaded. The two social workers turned and walked away. One remarked to her colleague: "You know the person that did this really needs help."

* A social worker is facing a mugger with a gun. "Your money or your life!" says the mugger. "I'm sorry," the social worker answers, "I am a social worker, so I have no money and no life."

what? these jokes are a little cheesy? i had no idea.
today i started my last classes, hooray. six more weeks and i'll be done with class and after a short internship in colorado i'll be an official social worker. i'm going to be doing my internship with boulder county social services in the child protection division. i'm kind of nervous, but isn't everyone when you start a new job? i'm really looking forward to being done with school and finally being able to use all the stuff i've been learning.

get excited!

2007-06-05T12:21:00.000-05:00

there are two things i am excited about.
1. tomorrow stephen, erin, adam, and i are leaving for colorado for 5 days. we're going to visit my sister, find an apartment, and i have an interview for a very possible internship with boulder county social services. hooray!
2. gennie, erin, whitney, mere-o, and i are going to tattooed or pierced this month in honor of gennie's wedding. sounds weird i know but i just so excited about getting my next tattoo. having two just makes me sound like a bad ass, don't you think?

the beauty of community

2007-05-31T13:48:00.000-05:00

i was reading The Cry, the word made flesh journal, and an article that talked about community said... well why don't i just let you read it...
community is not perfect, but i have a deep belief that God uses community to change the world. yes, community is a risk. however, it is a risk we are asked to take so that God can love us and others. it will expose us, strip us down, drive out our fears, change us, mold us. but in the end we are called to community so we know we are loved- so we know that we belong.
i see my community group and close friends in this so much, and it is why as i'm excited to leave for boulder, i'm sad. we have beautiful community. i belong to my community and they love me. there is an innate need in us to belong and it is so good to know that i belong to fifteen-ish people who genuinely care about me and who i care about. and as we break up i can still see God's hand in our community. if there has ever been a network built up to send people out we have one, in fact it is so strong that people don't want to leave. and i pray that as we all go out that we would sent each other in love and hope that our community will remain across states and continents because we belong to each other. i mean just look how God is sending us to people who have nowhere to belong.
whitney- tibet
erin- tibet short term then denver
jones'- tibet short term
stu- mexico
james and adam- austin
compstons- boulder
callan- chicago
meredith and cara- public schools
john- u of a students
gennie and brian- china (eventually)
imagine how great those places will be when God extends our community. i'll end with another quote from the cry.
i was there, as well. i didn't have anyone- not family, not brothers or sisters who understood. but they, they won't leave you. we are family. we are community- that's how we are.

SHARP TEETH FOR SALE

2007-05-30T10:37:00.000-05:00

not really, but it's a catchy title. we just have two cars for sale.

1999 Honda Accord- $7,000 it's a chick magnet and a sassy 1998 Ford Escort- a low $2,000.

i know you all need another car so feel free to contact me and purchase both cars.

- but really, please spread the word and let us know if anyone is interested.

thanks

INCREDIBLE

2007-05-09T18:13:00.000-05:00

i'm copying and pasting excerpts of a post by a friend who lives in kolkata and works with red light workers, trying to get them out of the trade by teaching them to sew old saris into blankets. they just took in a new group of girls to train.

"i don't know if i wrote about this lady earlier but a new trainee, A, was diagnosed with active TB. we arranged for her to go to this free TB hospital. the day she was supposed to leave all the sari bari ladies and sarah prayed for her. to make a kinda long story short.....there were no signs of active TB in her lungs when she went back to the doctor. she was healed.

A was telling us through tears how happy she was about this because now she gets to work at sari bari. it was so so cool.

so i think God healed someone. i am a skeptic at heart but i saw the first doctor's report. he said she had blood clots and wanted to admit her immediately. then there was only a fibrous piece in her lung. no signs of any active TB. I love being silenced in my skepticism by the love of God." -Kristin Keen-

INCREDIBLE

I'M DONE!

2007-05-08T17:16:00.000-05:00

goodbye spring semester, hello summer school.
i handed in my last thing today, so i'm officially finished with the semester from hell!
what a feeling of completion.

i'm doing this strictly for my own benefit

2007-05-01T14:56:00.000-05:00

assignments due this week:

Personal Practice Evaluation paper-Field Seminar I-DONE!
Group Proposal paper- Practice II- DONE!
Informative and Resource Manual for students interested in international social work- Independent Study-DONE!
Assertive Communication and Conflict Resolution Modules completed and ready to teach- Community Development in a Global Context- DONE!
Take home final- Practice III-DONE!
Comprehensive Final- Community Development in a Global Context-DONE!

this post is strictly so i can feel like i've accomplished somethings and not feel too overwhelmed by what i still have left to do. hope your week isn't as busy as mine!

*edit* it makes me feel good to come and edit this and add on when i finish things. i'm such a dork.

saturday night...

2007-04-26T09:58:00.000-05:00

MARCH FOR DARFUR

What it is: A benefit to raise awareness for and promote activism to stop the genocide in Darfur.

When it is: This Saturday, April 28th, at 8:15 or so is when the bands start playing. The march starts at 7:30 at St. Paul's Episcopal Church.

Where it is: The bands/camping out will happen at the Greek Theater. The march will be up Dickson from St. Paul's.

Benefits for You: Free Tee-shirt if you march; the beautiful resonance of music from the likes of Ben Rector and Very Special Guests within thine ears; a warming of the heart (unfortunately famous in may will not be playing, but come anyway!)

computer savvy me

2007-04-08T19:04:00.000-05:00

i completed my first real resume today, i even have it online. i'm feeling pretty proud of myself.
visit my new resume here.

a full circle moment

2007-04-08T17:19:00.000-05:00

last night we watched Blood Diamond. i had seen it before, but it blows me away, the reality that that stuff happens everyday and it may or may not make our national news. i can't help but think of the poverty of inhabitants of really poor countries that are so desperate for peace and safety and how much is sucks that life is like that. anyway, i won't go on a tangent.... this morning i was laying in bed reading The Cry a journal put out by word made flesh, the organization i went to india with. WMF has a team that lives in freetown, sierra leone and there was an article about a ministry called the lighthouse that takes in boys who live on the bombed out streets and educates and teaches them a trade. the article talked about how these boys were accused of urinating on a building to show disrespect even though everyone knew it wasn't them, the owner just wanted to blame them because he didn't believe that they were any different from little street thieves. one of the boys stepped up and said that he'd go clean up the urine, even though it wasn't his. the article went on to talk about humility and what an example this boy was. it was, as oprah would say, a full circle moment for me; last night we'd watched freetown get shot up, and this morning i read about how Jesus is restoring it, one ex-child soldier and pick-pocket at a time. HE is risen indeed!

the least of these.....

2007-04-03T12:56:00.000-05:00

last sunday stephen had to be the bouncer in the greenhouse and i had a lot of homework, so after i dropped him off i parked in the municipal lot across from the walton arts center and headed up to common grounds with my computer. i'd like to say that i'm always compassionate, putting others before myself, but that's a big fat lie. it was a a beautiful day outside and i'd had a great weekend so i was in a pretty good mood. as i walked past hog haus there was a man holding out his hand with change in it, asking for money. i think this was my first experience with a person begging here in fayetteville. it was an older man, probably in his 60's, he was disheveled and unshaven, i could smell his odor. at first i walked past him, but then i turned around and asked him what he wanted the money for, "just a cup of soup". so i told him i was going to common grounds to do some work and he was welcome to come with me and get something to eat. he teetered to his feet and followed me down the street. as we walked and i asked his name i realized that he was quite drunk. he ordered some creamy asparagus soup and said his name was james. his speech was slurred and he smelled really bad. let me take a moment and say that i love the liberal folks that work at common grounds. our waiter was so polite and never gave james or i any weird condescending looks, like many of the people that walked past us did. james told me that he was from around here, he used to ride the rails and lived around california for many years. he talked aobut driving his truck into a river when he got his license taken away and his girlfriend almost drowning, he cried. he said it took him an hour or two to get enough money to get a beer and sometimes he played his guitar for change. he cried at times, and eventually forgot my name and started calling me sissy. as we sat and talked for those two hours i kept praying, "Lord just tell me what to say, i'll tell him about you, just speak through me." i kept waiting for a time to speak to him, but i never felt like i should. eventually i left to go to grove and i walked james back to his bench. there is really no great point to my post, i'm just processing what happened and if i did that right thing. if you see an old drunk guy downtown he's friendly, buy him a cup of soup, he has an ulcer.

these are two of my favorite old school videos.

2007-03-31T15:30:00.000-05:00

very cheesy i know, but funny in their own way.

a good example of what jesus isn't.

baby got book.

mother teresa

2007-03-25T22:19:00.000-05:00

while i don't agree with all of her theology i feel that mother teresa was a wonderful women and did a great deal to personify the compassion of Jesus. while i was working in nirmal hriday, her original home for the dying, i heard this story.

one day mother asked two volunteers to go and find a certain man that often came to her home for medical care and food. he hadn't been seen a while and she wanted to give him some food and make sure he was alright. after searching the volunteers found the man; he was filthy, covered in trash and his own excrement. the volunteers brought him back to the home and began to clean him up, dumping buckets of water over him. mother came outside and pulled them away from him; she sat him on her own lap and bathed him. her first priority was not to feed or heal, but to love him.

i have a plethora of her quotes, but this is one of my favorites.
People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have,
and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis,
it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway.

nervous

2007-03-14T17:39:00.000-05:00

i'm sitting in my apartment as my heart beats a little too fast feeling nervous. i've had a hankering to play ultimate frisbee lately and on monday i was complaining to ben casey that i hadn't found anyone to play with when he said that his coed intramural team had a few spots open, so i'm playing with them tonight. i'm not great at frisbee but i'm not bad, i fall in the category of she's good, for a girl. but as today wore on and i kept thinking about playing with a team that i don't know, save ben and maria, i've been getting nervous. so now i sit here in my apartment waiting for maria to pick me up. i have this fear that i am going to show up and everyone on the team will be incredible and i'll lose the game for them, even though maria told me that the team is really laid back.
oh well, there's maria, gotta go.

memories...

2007-03-13T17:44:00.000-05:00

there is beauty in india

the boy who cried mo' fo'

2007-03-11T22:47:00.000-05:00

this is my favorite comedian,mike birbiglia, i thought i'd share a little laughter with you all.

i'm totally overposting myself

2007-03-04T22:23:00.000-06:00

this is an excerpt from the last email i wrote before leaving india in '05, i feel like it explains the way i feel now much better than my pervious post, "i'm unbelievable".

i belong in both places, but they seem worlds apart. and my two worlds are very different. how do i not abandon one for the other? how am i to bridge these two worlds? no matter how i turn it my worlds don't fit together. i can't figure out how to live in them both, my heart is torn for them. where do i stand to befriend both the rich and the poor, and how do i attempt to bridge that gap? especially when i'm not that good at living in either world?

please forgive me for my self-righteousness.

forgive me for my judgment on your wealth when it is mine as well.

forgive me for looking down on systems that perpetuate poverty, when i participate in them as well.

Lord teach us to live simply, so that others may simply live.

please forgive me for my wealth when it contributes to your wants.

forgive me for buying more when when i really needed less.

forgive me for eating too much when a few bites was all you wanted but never tasted.

forgive me for for considering you lazy when my business kept me from getting to know who you really are.

please i ask you to forgive me.

i'm unbelievable

2007-03-04T21:53:00.000-06:00

i have been sufering from i really don't want to be hereness for the last week or two, i really shouldn't be complaining, not many people go through bouts of inner turmoil over having to stay in america. stephen and i will celebrate our first anniversary in may, he will graduate and has been accepted to law school, well he's been accepted to arkansas so far, and i'll graduate with a degree i love in december, but i'm really struggling with the idea of living in the states for at least another four years. God has made it so clear that he's going to take me overseas and i want to go, now.
life overseas, in india at least, is hard, but there is a beautiful reliance on God when he is the only stable thing in your life; and i've yet to have that while in america. i know i can't rush God's time and it was his plan for stephen to go to law school. He is good, i can see that. i do need him and he is working in me, i'm hard to satisfy. sometimes my life here which consistes of school, work, and complaining that i don't get to see stephen enough feels like i'm not doing anything of value. i'm shocked by my own selfishness, God has been so good to me as to prepare me to go overseas and he's even made it the desire of my heart, and what do i do? complain that i'm still here living the easy comfortable life. i'm unbelievable.

woe is me

2007-02-13T14:21:00.000-06:00

why is it so hard to go to a boring class? i'd rather sit in an empty computer lab and run out of things to google than go to my boring class. at least i'm mildly entertained and in the presence of other humans while i'm there, but there is something about the monotone droning of a professor that triggers an instinct that screams STAY AWAY deep inside me!

jenna

2007-01-31T16:46:00.000-06:00

i'm doing an internship at ozark guidance in springdale in their inpatient children's unit. most of the doors leading outside are magnetic and only the staff have a key card to open them, but today the doors stopped working for a little while. there is a little girl who came in about a week ago who has been severely neglected. her mother fed her baby food until she was five years old and when dhs got her she couldn't eat solid food because her digestive tract and her muscles were so underdeveloped. she has reactive attachment disorder as well as post-traumatic stress syndrome. jenna*, this little girl, is now eight years old and weighs 48 lbs. she is so small and her life has been so hard.
when the doors weren't working today she made a run for it, but was caught at the last second. she was immediately put on elopement precautions. she was already scared and upset from being grabbed as she was reaching for the door, and when she was told she'd have to give up her shoes for the rest of the day and wear booties it put her over the edge. she started to scream and hitting the walls and herself. to keep her from hurting herself even more she had to be restrained. since she is so small one person could hold her in a chair with her arms down. i was in my office as all this happened. i sat trying to type progress reports for my kids and i could hear jenna screaming. it's strange to hear the high voice of child yell obscenities and racial slurs. she never cried, she is so angry.
there is only one who restores, only one who can make whole. jenna is broken, she's been hurt and abused, she's been neglected and starved. who will tell her it will be ok, she'll get better, there are people she can trust, who will love her and protect her. there is a father who's heart breaks for her.
she isn't in my group of kids, i never meet with her, not that i am allowed to tell her about jesus. i pray for her. let her foster family love the lord. i love my job, but it sucks sometimes.

*name changed for confidentiality

HOLY SONNET X

2007-01-20T17:30:00.000-06:00

Death, be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so ;
For those, whom thou think'st thou dost overthrow,
Die not, poor Death, nor yet canst thou kill me.
From rest and sleep, which but thy picture[s] be,
Much pleasure, then from thee much more must flow,
And soonest our best men with thee do go,
Rest of their bones, and soul's delivery.
Thou'rt slave to Fate, chance, kings, and desperate men,
And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell,
And poppy, or charms can make us sleep as well,
And better than thy stroke ; why swell'st thou then ?
One short sleep past, we wake eternally,
And Death shall be no more ; Death, thou shalt die.

John Donne

malakai continued

2007-01-19T09:46:00.000-06:00

my nephew....

yes, he was born with a fauxhawk.

6lbs 11oz, he's a little guy.

he loves me.

he had a little jaundice so we had to set him in the sun every day, which was so cute.

Malakai Andrew Dangers

2007-01-17T17:04:00.000-06:00

after an exhausting trip home from india on friday my only sister, who lives in colorado springs went into labor with her first baby. so saturday morning i climbed in the backseat of my parents car and we fought our way through the ice and snow for about 15 hours to see my sister and precious little nephew. it has been hard to be away from home when i'm so tired and to be away from stpehen when i'm trying to process through my trip, but worth it to see my nephew and sister. i'm flying home tomorrow, (praise God for cheap flights at the last minute!) and really looking forward to seeing my friends. i just thought i'd post one picture for now, more are sure to come later. this is malakai andrew dangers just after he was born on saturday morning.

check out his hair!

behild the facade

2007-01-09T00:09:00.000-06:00

do you ever have that feeling that you've learned nothing and everything at the same time? i don't you if you do, since i might be experiencing it for the first time. i've been amazed on this trip at how nothing has been like i planned, and i feel like i haven't learned anything and had my world torn apart like i did last time i was in india, but this morning we had a really good time of journaling and prayer and i realized i have learned quite a bit, it just wasn't what i was expecting to go home with.

1. i don't know that i'll be back to calcutta like i did last time i was here. it was almost a year and half ago that i left and God had been clear that i'd be back, i assumed that meant long term. but now i'm not sure. i still want to be about justice and freedom for the poor and oppressed but as my time here ends i'm realizing that i don't have that pull on my spirit saying you're coming back.
2. i don't like indian food. i didn't like it last time i was here. i don't know why i thought that i did.
3. i am fairly outspoken about people's need to live simply, i believe that poverty is strongly related to an unequal distribution of resources, but i want to live simply in the united states, where i have hot water and no parasites, and chick-fil-a and flying burrito (mmmm). i don't' want to sell all my possessions and give them to the poor if that would make me poor. i am brutally selfish.
4. i want to help the poor but get glory for myself (ouch, but true). i want my husband to go to a prestigious law school and i'll get my masters in human trafficking so we can help poor people with our lofty degrees and special training, as God if couldn't help them without us.

these things are grossly true deep inside of me, and i want to get the hell out of india so i can stop thinking about them and go back to my comfortable bug less apartment and eat popcorn. so felt that i should confess all my crap to you, so that i don't hide it. after all, i can't lay down my selfish desires and die to them while i'm struggling to keep up the facade that they don't exist.

in case you don't know....

2006-12-23T07:18:00.000-06:00

Stephen and I are spending our Christmas break in Kolkata, India working in Kalighat, home for the dying, and in Daya Don, home for handicapped orphans. We are also trying to learn patience as we get to know people who live on the streets and provide for them as best we know how. A much more detailed account of our trip can be found on our India blog, feel free to visit it at http://compstonsinindia.blogspot.com/ we post every day or two about what's going on and how you can pray for us.

tis the season.....

2006-11-29T22:14:00.000-06:00

i love the holiday season, thanksgiving to christmas is one of my favorite times of year. our time with our family over thanksgiving was fabulous. two of stephen's brothers were in town and my pregnant sister and her husband are still here because the weather between here and colorado is so bad, for once i'm glad about poor road conditions. we were so busy "relaxing with family" that i almost feel like i didn't get a break. we were constantly back and forth between my parents house and the compston's house. don't get me wrong, it was wonderful to see our family, i'm just still tired. autum and josiah, my sister and brother-in-law, came to our apartment tonight to bring us coffee while we did homework and to say bye, even though i think the weather will keep them here another day. they are great, we are so blessed to have a family that really love and support us.

and we're off......

2006-11-16T17:03:00.000-06:00

today we bought our tickets to india. it was such a great feeling to see that page come up that said stephen and i would leave LA on december 11, and return on january 11. we weren't planning on being gone that long but today we realized that the flights we were going to take are booked and the others were filling up fast. so we went ahead and bought them. i get butterflies every time i think about sharing the things from india that i love with my husband.

oh happy (tues)day!

2006-11-12T16:08:00.000-06:00

first of all, does anyone actually read my blog? i was moved to action after a moving post by gennie about genuine blogging and now i find that i get no feedback and i wonder....did i abandon my pitiful little blog for so long that now there is no one left to read it?
second, and much more important, let me tell you about an exciting 36 hours of my life starting with last tuesday.
3:30pm: i was on campus after my last class and stephen and i were talking about how stressed i was. i have had more homework this semester than ever have before, and on top of that we're trying to raise money and plan this trip to bangladesh and india. stephen was ever hopeful and encouraged me that we will survive this semester and God is big enough to take care of our trip. so i walk home wondering if God really wants us to go or if we've mistaken our excitement for God's voice.
4:38pm: oprah is not very entertaining and i can't stop thinking about how little time i have to devote to fundraising and how soon we need the money to go.
4:41pm: i remember that i ordered a few bumper stickers online since i've decided that i want to become a crazy bumper sticker lady and i go down to check the mail to see if they've come. i return to our apartment and start going through the mail. junk mail, junk mail, then, three strange hand written letters. i open the first one, it's an encouraging note from someone we hardly know and a check for $40. praise Jesus. i open the second one, it's a note from a friend saying that she and her parents were really encouraged by what we are doing and wanted to help, a check for $400. praise Jesus! at this point i start to cry and call stephen, who is in class and leave him a weepy message to call me back. i sit in my floor and crying a praying, thanking God for his faithfulness. i finally dry up enough to open the third note, from my grandma, inside there is just a post-it that says "hope this helps" and a check for $400. PRAISE JESUS! the crying resumes and stephen comes home.
9:46pm wednesday: i've had a wonderful day thinking about how great the God i serve is, and i'm exhausted as usual. a few friends call stephen and tell him they have something they need to tell him. we figure it is girl problems and they are coming to the married man for advise. they get to out apartment and tell us that they have a little money and feel like they are supposed to give it to us, they hand it over and leave. we count it and low and behold it is a few dollars shy of $600! can i get a praise Jesus!

i don't even know how to express the thankfulness that we have for all that God has provided. we don't have all the money that we need, but we have reason to believe that God wants us to go and he's pretty faithful to provide.

i love my husband.

2006-10-29T20:35:00.000-06:00

the celebration of suffering

2006-09-27T20:48:00.000-05:00

as i've been sitting in my apartment trying not to distract stephen too much while he studies i've been thinking about how much suffering is in the world, and how sometimes i get so worked up and angry about it that i need to tell someone how i feel, then a thought came to me......isn't this just what my long lost blog is good for?
last night i had the honor of hearing Paul Rusesabagina speak about his experience in Rwanda and how he feels that darfur is escalating to the same need for assistance that Rwanda was in the early 90's. this morning at work i was reading the paper and somewhere around page four or five there was an update on darfur. it said that the UN is considering sending troops to support the understaffed African peacekeeping force and to try and get Sudan to sign a peacekeeping agreement; which the UN acknowledges has a slim chance of working since Sudan has told them they don't want to make a peace agreement. call me crazy but it seems to me that this line of thinking hasn't worked that well in the past, why do we keep relying on it?

"this is the twentieth century, not the middle ages. who would allow such crimes to be committed? how could the world remain silent? i have tried to keep memory alive, i have tried to fight those who would forget. because if we forget, we are guilty, we are accomplices. i swore never to be silent whenever and wherever human beings endure suffering and humiliation. we must take sides. neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. silence encourages the tormenter, never the tormented. sometimes we must interfere. when human lives are endangered, when human dignity is in jeopardy, national borders and sensitivities become irrelevant. wherever men and women are persecuted because of their race, religion, or political views, that place must- at that moment- become the center of the universe." -Elie Wiesel

Darfur has been embroiled in a deadly conflict for over three years. At least 400,000 people have been killed; more than 2 million innocent civilians have been forced to flee their homes and now live in displaced-persons camps in Sudan or in refugee camps in neighboring Chad; and more than 3.5 million men, women, and children are completely reliant on international aid for survival. Not since the Rwandan genocide of 1994 has the world seen such a calculated campaign of displacement, starvation, rape, and mass slaughter.

"how much worse punishment, do you think, will be deserved by one who has spurned the Son of God, and has profaned the blood of the covenant by which he was sanctified, and has outraged the Spirit of grace? for we know the one who said 'vengeance is mine; i will repay'. and again, 'the Lord will judge his people.' it is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the Living God." - hebrews 10.29-31

this verse calms my anger that God is not idle, he is outraged my what has happened and what continues to happen all around the world. but it strikes fear into my own heart, as a believer i am God's plan to alleviate suffering in the world. how am i not joining with the oppressor when i hear that 400,000 people have died and do nothing, it doesn't affect my day in the least. it is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the Living God.

let this affect us, let is ruin our days, and break our hearts. join in the suffering of the millions of men and women of darfur. let their pain leak into our lives. "if we don't have courage we will do whatever we can to run from or alleviate our own pain. excessive entertainment, shopping, food, drugs, alcohol, sex, and even manic exercise are common opiates of our society. i, too, have tried to escape. but in the end, i have (mostly) turned around, looked suffering in the eye and stared it down. this is when the evil part of suffering loses it's power and becomes redemptive. but suffering is only redemptive when love is there." -The Cry, WMF

so, if you've made it this far, all the way to the end of this post, don't just walk away unscathed, hurt, cry, get pissed off, do something. visit www.savedarfur.org and send letter to congress and the president, tell them that it's time to step in. fall in love with a cause deeper than ourselves so that we can all stand up and mean it when we say "we've had enough."

10 days!

2006-05-02T17:03:00.000-05:00

so i am going to be a wife in 10 days. this is big. i've never been a wife, i'm pretty excited about figuring it out. you'd think that time would be flying by with how busy i am but time continues to crawl. on a side note does anyone ever watch the local news? it is amazingly bad. to day the top story- a man was going too fast in his motorcycle and then crashed. riveting, be sure to tune in 5:00 on channel 7.
so back to the marriage thing. i really want to be married, which is good since i will be next friday. there is no real point to this email other than just repeat over and over that i'm getting married next friday.
today i ran into erin johnson in the union and we talked about how we never blog, well look at me now erin, i'm typin' away!
i'm excited about the reception that will follow my wedding, i think it's going to be a pretty happening party, so bring your dancing shoes, and your cash, cause we couldn't afford an open bar. well, i'm going to stop rambling, t minus 10 days, and counting.

yay TEAMWORK!

2006-02-27T18:25:00.000-06:00

i was talking to the lovely erin johnson bright and early at our community group friday morning, and she was talking about the grove raising up entire teams to go to the mission field together; an idea that i have often thought of but had lost hope in. everyday i pray about God sending stephen and i out to the people He has made us passionate about. i think of going with a group of people i already know and trust, people that God has brought together before ever sending us out. but over the last few months i've lost hope in that thought because it seems like everyone i talk to already has it planned out where they want to go, none of which are the place i want to go. but talking to erin the other day i saw how wrong i was to have thought this and it was a burden lifted off my heart. i trust that God has called stephen and i to the bengali people and he will provide for us and protect us, but somehow i'd thought that He wouldn't be able to raise people up here to send with us. oh the stupid things i let satan convince me of. anyway, i was remembering how excited i would get when i was very first thinking about going and how when i prayed about it i saw stephen and i with other people from here, it might just be my wishful thinking, but it also might be God calling us to go to the nations as the body of Christ and live lives that are exemplary of Him, serving, worshiping and caring for each other. so, please pray with me about God raising up a team that is willing and excited to go and serve together.

and on that note of being excited to go, do you ever just lay in your bed and cry because God has you here, an your heart wants so badly to go to the people that you love, but you can't yet and it just hurts? cause if you do we really need to talk. i feel like i'm rambling on and on about things that people don't really care about, but i know that they're out there, anyway, if you want to move to southeast asia in the next five years, let me know asap!

weddings: the anti-savings

2006-01-30T19:04:00.000-06:00

so, i've been thinking a lot about money lately....i know, not much like me, but its taken up much of my thoughts since i stated planning my wedding. and my conclusion is weddings are freaking expensive in the u.s. but does that justify me joining in with everyone and spending an extravogant amount of money? i mean the wedding is essentially about the covenant between stephen me and God? so why am i expected to pay thousands of dollars to make it the most wonderful day of my life? eating some cake and sipping on $30 per bowl punch aren't whats making it a huge landmark in life. i'm just don't think i can have a broken heart over the 25 thousand children that starve to death everyday and justify spending $800 on a wedding dress. and am i the only one who thinks its a little outrageous that to spend 45 minutes in a church is going to cost me $600 hundred dollars? its not adding up to me how the body of Christ puts such a high price on a wedding ceremony. aren't we supposed to give without expecting anything in return? stand apart from the world? not join in the lie that good means expensive? is anyone else confused about any of this? what to do? cut the guest list, only invite close friends to save on costs? or rebel against the whole thing and just go to the court house? or just go along with what everyone else is telling me, that its ok to spend all that money on a wedding?how am i exemplifying a lifestyle of simplicity that i think believers are called to by having a wedding that is the cultural norm? and how do i help the people around me to understand this? how do i tell my parents who want to pay for all of this so that i can have a beautiful wedding, that the gift they're offering me isn't what i want or believe is right for me?feel free to answer any of the ba-zillion questions i've rambled.

so, engaged huh?

2006-01-20T18:42:00.000-06:00

so, i'm engaged, its wierd, but good. very new to me, this getting married thing. its a great conversation starter when people as how my break was though. my ring is the greatest ring i have ever seen, no offense to the other engaged ladies, but mine is the best. the center stone is a ruby. my love for my ring is twofold:
fold 1. it is very unique, and i like unique, i do things sometimes just becuase no one else is, thats just who i am.
fold 2. the diamond industry is an unjust and rather oppressive one, so i was deffinatley ok with not having one.
another thing i like, anne antoine. she and i have been sharing a room for almost a week now and i like her more everyday. if you get a chance ask her about the oddessy of the missing panties, its a thriller.
on a completley different note, austin bell might have gotten a mammogram today.
well, thats it.
i'm no longer a blogging virgin